Humility for me!

I have never been overly impressed  just with people’s  wise and clever words,although I have to say I have been privileged to listen to many inspirational speakers.

All the people that have ever truly impressed me have all been thoughtful and kind with  large dose of Humility.

My sponsor Peter, when I first got sober, the most unassuming man I have ever met, responsible for saving many lives but in a self effacing and gentle way.

Those people who “walk the walk”  and rarely tell anyone about it.

I have always learned more from the ordinary person just going though their lives trying simply to do “the right thing” 

Sitting in meetings , years ago,  listening to absolute honesty mixed with humour and compassion was more influential on me than all of the self help books I have read, all the  life instructional manuals. My only difficulty  with that was that they put their humility down to belief in god, whereas I know it to be an intrinsic  human quality, that some people have in spades, but is devoid of any deity.

As an “alien “ in this  world , going about the business of watching and imitating human beings, I have always wanted to be like those kind and generous people. 

I have never made it! 

I am too stroppy, difficult and often paranoid. Hyper-vigilant and wary of others. My trust mechanisms were shattered.

That is not an excuse, it is a source of irritation, and I know is a legacy of wicked, catholic indoctrination and clergy abuse, and despite my best efforts I still struggle with it!

I have always based by judgements on my “gut” feelings, not quite trusting words, and yet knowing also that my “guts” aren’t always reliable!

But I have NEVER heard anyone of a religious persuasion saying or doing anything I would want to imitate - there is nothing vaguely attractive about their fervour. In fact I find it at best well meaning ignorance , at worst something far more sinister. Rarely do they “walk the walk” but they do an awful  lot of talking!

I have NEVER been comfortable with authority - a common feeling for  abuse survivors.I get in a cold sweat if I have to have anything to do with anyone who considers they are in authority!  Just look at the the pope and his minions who are so duplicitous!(and we KNOW how their words are cheap and meaningless!)

I rarely trust politicians I think they are a special “breed” and all have their own agendas.

I have also been  shocked to find that even in the world of survivors there are many I would not want to emulate.The career survivors, the egocentric, the self opinionated. Perhaps all of them displaying symptoms of their own abuses, but, I expect like me,  not easy to be around!
Thankfully there are also the thoughtful, the generous and compassionate.

So there’s no doubt that when looking for role models, it’s  Humility for me that is the key, people who are balanced and  gentle, yet able to fight when needed,but with a clear and undiluted aim.

Peter Tatchell, a principled decent human being, spending his whole life fighting for human rights,  and so many of those human rights activists.

Many of the overseas Humanists that I have just met, helping others often at great risk to themselves.
Professor AC Grayling, who manages to dispense huge wisdom without a hint of arrogance. 

All the lovely people who work “behind the scenes” happy to play a part without a spotlight.

The lady who made me a casserole when I lost my son, and just put it on the doorstep.

The builders who my daughter worked with at the Royal Marsden cancer hospital , who were so touched by what they saw, they began a big fund raising campaign.

The unsung heroes everywhere.

Give me the humble generous honourable ordinary people every time, maybe if I stick around them, I can “act as if” - until enough of it rubs off! 

But from where I am-  I fear is a bit like climbing Everest in a snowstorm with both legs tied together!