Sue Cox

Sue Cox

Wednesday 17 September 2014

Amphyllis's Eyes!



It is great  hearing my friend from the USA John Shuster talking  about his trip to England. He and his charming wife Sally are real Anglophiles! They even have two cats "Jane" and "Austin," that is pretty English!
So every day John posts another of his holiday pictures onto Facebook, and marvels at his finds, and it is quite wonderful to hear him wax lyrical about the ordinary everyday things that we take for granted here!! He shows pictures of scones and stone cottages, English tea rooms and 'Full English breakfasts"! All of those things that we don't even think about or notice any more. As if we are walking around with blindfolds!
It put me in mind of a lady who was  a very dear friend of mine she lived next door for many years until she died aged 99 and three quarters!
She was the most delightful English lady and was even born in the Edwardian times, and so was a true "Edwardian Lady "!She was called "Amphyllis" another very very old Edwardian name.
She had never married, was what used to be referred to as a "spinster lady" was incredibly intelligent, got her MA in the days when women were hardly ever educated let alone got a masters! 
She lived alone, had an enormous amount of friends, she was interested in everybody and everything and her house was always full of flowers, or cards from people who also loved her as we did.
She had a lot of visitors, always gave to most charities that ever needed a donation, and was kind to everyone .
As she got a little older, and occasionally got unwell, we tried to look after her a little more.My husband (a great cook!) made her soup every day after she had a chest infection because we were concerned that she should at least have one nutritious meal a day.
She loved it and she loved him! So he ended up making  her soup every day for nearly fifteen years!!
What made her so special also was that she was blind!  She had a tiny bit of residual  sight in one eye, but very little. Although she loved to hear about Gez's paintings, she couldn't actually see them, so I had to describe them to her, much to her delight!
She asked me to describe many things to her. When Sadam Hussein was in the news she asked me to tell her what he looked like (she listened to the radio all day!) when I did, she "Oh yes, that's JUST how I imagined him, the archetypal bully!"
She asked me what the little lime tree at the end of the garden looked like, and when I described it she said"Oh yes I remember when it looked JUST like that!"She knew how everything would look at each time of year. She was not depressed or angry at her loss of sight, she simply got on with it!
When I had to think about how to describe something to her it made ME look at things, REALLY look-  in order to give a good picture for her. I looked at everyday things with new eyes!
What a gift that was, and how easy it is to forget these lessons!
So Thank you to John Shuster for reminding me of that lesson! I have had a great day today. looking around me and imagining I have to describe things for Amphyllis's eyes!
As I look out of my office window, the Acer is turning a little pink, soon will be red, the elderflower tree has shed it's leaves, and the grass is covered in that speckled yellow.
The pond is clear and I can just hear the waterfall, I can see the fish have been breeding well, there are many more this year, beautiful colours.The only waterlilies left are the creamy white ones. Still quite a lot of butterflies around.
The sky is bright blue with just a few clouds, and the windows of Gez's studio need cleaning! The Hydrangeas are fading (I quite like them like that) 
and the vine leaves are pale yellow ready to fall.
My treatment room has hops around the windows, they could do with a trim but they  give a pretty light when I am inside.

That was just a quick glance out of the window, but I think it has given me so much joy that  I should remember to take that blindfold off and keep looking at everything around me  with  Amphyllis's eyes!

Sunday 14 September 2014

Count me OUT!


Listening to the various catholic apologists spout the statistics of catholics there are in the world again made me think!
I remember Salvatore and one or two other survivors saying they were going to "disavow" their baptism, and at the time didn't really understand the need to do that. I thought that because I categorically do NOT consider myself catholic that I was not! It seems however that regardless of my thoughts or beliefs the catholics still count me IN!! 
Bloody Hell!
I am not entirely surprised, they have , after all, always been about numbers and sod all to do with human beings. My mother always used to brag that various people she knew  "getting  pulled in at the back door" by being prayed for by a catholic priest on their deathbed - even if they were unconscious!
Their  statistics and numbers are meaningless.But it bothers me that I am on that list!
It is not like a trade list of inanimate objects, this is a list of human beings!
So I decided that it IS the right thing to do to be ex-communicated, and put at least my record straight. If you feel as strongly as I do, I really do reccomend you do the same.
For me this is a definitive step for the rejection of the church, unless I do this I will still be counted as a catholic, and I will still be allowing the inclusion of my name to  contribute to that erroneous perception of the church's numbers and stature. 
So what do you have to do?
Well they don't make it easy for you! In their utter arrogance they seem to think that you will change your mind,  especially since they have pushed the fear of hell fire and damnation down your throat since you were small. I guess they feel when it comes to it your fear of death will pull you "back in"! (through  the back door no doubt!)
Even more arrogantly they think you are incapable of making your own mind up!
The answers given:
THEM : " Well First of all, you should write to YOUR Bishop -YOUR parish priest can't help"
ME: "I don't have a bishop or a parish priest I am NOT a catholic!"
THEM : "You MUST  have a Bishop" 
ME: "What part of "I don't have anything at all to do with your church" do you not understand?"
THEM : (sniffily) "Well you must write to the Bishop of the diocese you live in, he can start the process"
So you write to the bishop, who ignores your letter, and then you write a second time, this time registered mail, and finally you get a reply.
From the church's perspective it is impossible to "un-baptise" someone because they believe that baptism permanently seals the person to christ and the church.

 THEM ; "If you are  asking  to be "ex-communicated"  this is very serious and should not be taken lightly.  But because  you are asking at all reveals the fact that you still  respect the church's authority, otherwise you wouldn't ask, we find that very reassuring , there is therefore some room for reconcilliation" "
What utter bloody arrogance!

ME:  "I am asking to be taken off whatever register you have because I have NO respect for you whatsoever and you are using me , and those like me to misrepresent your numbers!"

THEM:  "I suspect that it may  be that you have difficulty with some of the church's teachings, you should think carefully about what they are, and see if you can't see how they are in place for your own good"

ME:" Suspect away, but I can assure you  I don't have ANY difficulty at all in any of the church's teachings, I reject ALL Of them" 

THEM:  "Well you should think very carefully about this decision, we are concerned for your soul" 

ME: " I do not have a "soul,"  nor are you the custodians of  my mythical wellbeing"

THEM:   "Your parents claimed you for Christ when they baptised you because they wanted you to be part of God's church"

NO!!! 

ME: "My non religious "parents" (or at least the one who gave birth to me -  the other unknown) sold me to a childless fanatic catholic couple for adoption into their appalling church. I had NO say in it, made NO choices, made NO vows, and I hate everything about it"
I did not even go on to  talk about being brought up in absolute terror, being raped by one of their "men of god" as a child, or any of the other damage their indoctrination caused.
THEM: "You could be making a grave mistake. you need to give this careful reflection and  I will pray for you"
ME : "No Thankyou"  theres just one thing I want from you


GET ME THE FUCK OFF THAT LIST !!!!!


Wednesday 10 September 2014

Breathing is good!


Well I have just come back from a week on the beautiful island of Jersey.It was a present from from my lovely husband for our silver wedding anniversary, it has always been a special place for us.


 I was going to post funny holiday shots and show you my Buddy splashing in the sea etc. I will still do that, but I am a bit pre- occupied because while I was away, I was notified  to go into hospital tomorrow for this long awaited nose operataion. I have sleep apnoea among other things, and apparently bashing my nose around a bit will help me breathe better. This is the third attempt! lats year was canceled because of Asthma and  other chest stuff, so third time lucky(or unlucky which ever way you look at it!) 
I don't fancy it much, my breathing is always a bit of an issue, and I get a bit panic stricken when I can't breathe very well. and the last time it was checked at the hospital the consultant said casually "Any history of trauma?"....
Of course, my professional understanding that  the  effects of sexual abuse are many and life long, but at sixty seven to be asked out of the blue was a strange experience !
Anyway, I had just been back one hour from holiday when they phoned to get me straight in for pre-op, "Any anxieties"? "Any worries"?"Any history of illness mental or emotional disturbance"? etc. etc. 
Theirs is a job, the paperwork.I  am sure a tedious chore, but I find it all so intrusive, and trigger inducing!
So I will hold the beach photos for a while and ask you to send me some love from wherever you are, to help me cope and recover!
I had another notification while I was away, a bit more embarrassing!
I was nominated for the "Inspirational women awards"!!! (without my knowledge of course!)
But the even more embarrassing thing is -I got shortlisted!! I can hardly believe it.
Of course I won't get an award, I think what I do is a bit too contraversial, and also a little uncomfortable for people. 
But I thank all the WOMEN  shortlisted me, with that kind of support, perhaps one day survivors like me will be able to walk tall and proud and show our wounds without fear of rejection and shame. 
What an honour! To be nominated, and then to be shortlisted is amazing for someone like me who comes from  such a very low ebb!
And I am delighted to be able to go to the award ceremony with my two beautiful daughters and my beautiful daughter in law, a champagne reception at Cadogan Hall in London on October 1st!
They say the dress code is "smart-glamourous" So I will look great with too black eyes and a swollen face!
But I will be in the company of inspiring women! Those that really deserve to be there and I will feel very fortunate indeed.
 I hope I will be soon back on my computer and breathing like other people! And able to rant a little more!



Monday 1 September 2014

Winning the Battle of the abused brain



          

present

“Winning the battle of The Abused Brain”
A two-day experiential workshop exploring the science 
and true nature of childhood clergy abuse

For health-care professionals, lawyers, Survivors, affected others 
and everyone who cares!

Sue Cox  Lic.Ac. M.B.Ac.C
Louise Rooney MBACP AIP

Exploring the true nature of Survivors of
childhood clergy abuse




Imagine you are faced with the care of a being from an entirely different species, an alien that has never been seen before, and therefore is extremely precious.

Imagine that you are charged with the task of making it thrive and blossom in optimum health and well-being.

The answer would not be to throw just anything at it to see if it works!  And then try something else when that fails, and then something else, on and on; although this random tendency is what we come across often when people are trying to find the best way to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse.  It’s like throwing mud at a wall to see how much of it will stick.

We believe, however, that the correct thing to do would be to look very closely at the nature of that creature. To fully understand, and determine, what it actually needs.

We would examine it’s genetic makeup - is it vegetarian? Is it nocturnal? Is it happier in a group, or does it need solitude? Will it die if exposed to water? Will it bite? Is it timid? Does it need warmth or cold? What kind of habitat does it prefer?
What exactly does it require in order to survive and thrive?

As people who want to help, there is a tendency to “throw” what we consider “the best thing” at something, albeit out of kindness.

Maybe we will sit it in the sunshine, and give it the best fillet steak! Surely that will be the best thing it could have?

Great, unless the creature happens to be a cold blooded, nocturnal vegetarian that is allergic to UV rays!

You might feel better, but the creature will suffer!

Not much use to feel benevolent while doing the wrong thing. There are many tragedies brought about by people doing the wrong thing, for what they perceive to be the right reasons.  It is very easy to kill someone with kindness.

When faced with recovery from childhood clergy sexual abuse we need to first of all look at the very nature of that Survivor; for example, you may know what a lion looks like, but do you REALLY know it’s true nature?  It is no use assuming that what you may feel is the “best” for that person until you have a clear picture of the nature of abuse.

In our two-day workshops we examine the true nature of the survivor, how they have been damaged and more importantly, what interventions can really help.


Why timing is crucial, why some interventions are inappropriate unless they are timed correctly, and why some are great!

We will look specifically at the Survivors brain, the target organ of trauma; how it is affected and what we can do about it.

We will examine the research that highlights the damage to the immune and metabolic systems of the abuse survivor, and how it can be possible to achieve optimum health.
We will share simple and inexpensive tips and tools to empower the Survivor, even when they are alone.

Survivors are not clones; they are unique and irreplaceable individuals, and the way each one is dealing with their own trauma is determined by many factors, and should be their own choice. 

What we have done is to create a programme for optimum strength, regardless of the direction a person’s recovery is taking.

They need, and deserve, their best shot at happiness, to be as well as possible to begin and sustain their fight.

Like a prize-fighter needs a special regime in order to be at his peak! He will need the right diet, the right exercise the right mindset for more power, more speed, more endurance.



If survivors are overwhelmed, they are liable to lose their determination. Fear will often drive a fighter to make painful mistakes. It has been common to see Survivors severely weakened and consequently re-abused, either because they are too hurt, ill informed, dismissed, badly advised, or are not able to look after themselves as well as they might.

Survivors of clergy abuse should consider themselves as a very precious member of an endangered species, and value their recovery above all else. 

It is pretty near impossible to win a fight as big as this one if you show up for it at less than your very best.

The worst part of fighting is not the fight itself, it’s not even the arduous preparation - it is the getting destroyed when you have fought so hard to win!

Our two-day workshop is designed to empower that Survivor – Prize-fighter!

For therapeutic professionals, who need to see how best to help this client group.

For lawyers who need to understand the severity of the task and to be better able to incorporate the biology of trauma into their clients’ cases.

For families and friends who are desperately trying to make sense of the situation.

For heroic Survivors themselves, who need to be equipped with as much armour and weaponry as they can muster.



DAY ONE

Using a mixture of lecture and film

*Starting with an overview of the Worldview of childhood clergy abuse. The concept of Institutional abuse, the nature of the abuser, fear based enabling and facilitation of the abuser and assassination of the spirit.

*We will learn about the structure and working of the Brain - the most complex and powerful structure in the Universe!
This is the target organ of abuse.

*We will take a fresh and exciting look at the wonders of that brain and show what can go wrong.

*We will explore conditions associated with childhood sexual abuse: current understanding of PTSD, depression, anxiety, paranoia, psychosis, addictions, self-harming, etc.

*What causes flashbacks, nightmares, and how triggers work.

*We will highlight how childhood abuse causes physical changes within the brain, and how the damage manifests; the biological as well as the psychological damage.

*We will look at the current and damning evidence to suggest how the immune and metabolic systems are also damaged.

*We will examine the current understanding (and misunderstandings) about the manifestations of childhood abuse. How what has always been referred to as “psychological damage” has its roots, in fact, in permanent physical changes.

*We will show how, that damage can be passed on to the next generation, and the next.

DAY TWO

OK! What about the GOOD news!
Connections and empowerment!

We believe that the individual survivor should be the primary focus. There is no doubt that being active in the global fight, and contributing to the elimination of child clergy abuse, connecting with, and helping others, can be, for some, beneficial.

However, if Survivors are in poor shape themselves they will not be able to sustain that impetus. Personal recovery has to be the starting point, without that we can have only a limited impact.

With a greater understanding, we can cement the bridge between how someone feels, to the biological reason for those emotions. It would be pointless knowing the science, and not using it!

*   With the emphasis on optimum brain health and survivor empowerment, we will explore some powerful interventions.

*   We are a multi-disciplinary team, and drawing on our understanding of neuroscience, psychotherapy, Western and Chinese medicine, we have created a dynamic, multi-layered programme to nurture each Survivor in an holistic way, regardless of where they happen to be on their own journey with a focus on empowerment.

*   We will show which therapies are great and why some are not so great! Why timing is crucial! Some therapies are useful only when used at the correct time.

*We will explore some of the difficulties a Survivor’s recovery might encounter, and offer some very simple and effective tools, and tricks to empower that Survivor.

*We will include self-help tools, specific diet and nutrition, exercises, and meditations,

Everything a Survivor - Prize Fighter will need to go from being a victim to Victor!

Armed with a more thorough and scientific understanding of the severity of abuse, and the true nature of the abused person, therapists, health-care professionals, lawyers, families and survivors alike, will be better able to care for that precious member of “ an endangered species” and allow them regain their power, to soar above their abusers!


FOR DETAILS ABOUT FORTHCOMING WORKSHOPS ACROSS EUROPE AND THE USA AND HOW TO BOOK A PLACE
CALL

+ 44 1926 311912
+44 781 380 8026

OR EMAIL