Sue Cox

Sue Cox

Sunday 30 March 2014

Happy Mothers day!


Today is “Mothers day” and as usual I got lovely cards and presents from my wonderful children, and even my grandchildren! So special,so undeserved, and I am so proud of them all.
I guess even more so because they began their lives with what can only be described as a raving lunatic for a Mother! Damaged and dysfunctional, bumbling through like Taurus in the china shop if life, with few parenting skills and the ones I did have were suspect.
I always say my children survived more by luck than good management, and the fact that they are such honourable, happy, clever  professional people is a constant source of amazement!
This is not false modesty, these are facts! 
When we are trying to get people to understand the severity of the damage caused by catholic indoctrination and clergy sexual abuse, we should be very clear about how OUR damage passes on to the next generation, and even the next... We may well  have physically grown at the accustomed rate, may have acquired some academic knowledge, but often our emotional landscape can be pretty bleak!
When that wretched organisation tells us that they have “only the best interests of children at heart” they omit taking  into account that this abused child will grow up ,have a distorted view of life, and the sort of parent that  abused person might  become!
How they churn out “ unexploded bombs”  and stand back and say they are not responsible!
One rather stupid catholic woman with ten children once sanctimoniously told me “You know “Our Lady chooses her Mothers!” 
Who the hell would wish any child to have an alcoholic, drug addicted, self harming suicidal Mother with an eating problem! 
Don’t be bloody ridiculous!
The need to have endless children was always part of being a catholic, it was considered our duty, our “raison detre” and goodness knows I would NOT swap any one of mine! In some obscure way, I thought that it somehow was the ONLY thing I was able to do! but  even animals have better mothering skills!
I didn't know my birth Mother, and my adopted one betrayed me dreadfully, so my view of "Mothers" was not one I would want to emulate.But I have met some amazing women who I have watched and admired.
It’s generally considered that this kind of abuse will take seven generations before it heals, and can  I well believe it. 
We are all a sum total of our genes and our life experiences, and that particular experience is indelible and changes us at the level of our DNA.
I watched  with awe my children become the caring considerate  adults they are, but I know they have all had their demons to face.
I cannot take much credit for them, but I love them more than my life, and am proud to say they have blossomed without too much influence from  that narcissistic organisation that would have seen them as “numbers” or worse, as prey for their deviant clergy.
I won’t be around to see that damage worked out through those generations, but  at least I can say that I have started the process! I hope one day there will be NO trace of Rome in my children’s children and that everything we have gone through will make them strong.
My older daughter has two beautiful children, and is a quite remarkable Mother, and My youngest daughter is about to have her first baby and will,  I know,  be equally amazing.
The healing has begun!
For them, and all my wonderful friends who are Mothers - I send my love and awe! 
Happy Mothers day!

Saturday 29 March 2014

Please Marie Collins



Please Marie Collins!!

I hate criticising any survivor of catholic clergy abuse, goodness knows we  have all been to hell and back, and have been carrying horrific scars and a huge burden, one that may never actually be possible to put down. 
We are all different, we are not clones, we have had different experiences, have had varying levels of support, and were the prey of varying clerical deviants, with a whole variety of sick predilections.
In our fights back against the criminal organisation that spawned those pedophiles and protected them, while abusing us further, we all make very different contributions.
Some are very public, others very private, each one of us makes a difference in our own way. Each contribution is valuable and precious.
So usually when another survivor goes their own way, I  don’t think I have the right to judge their motives.
But when the vatican is manipulating one of them and using their “victim” status to their own ends and in order to appear to be addressing their crimes, then I am afraid I have to speak about it.
I am talking about the choice of Marie Collins as the “token victim” by the vatican in their ridiculous “investigation commission” regarding clergy abuse.
Everyone is saying that they welcome this choice, but personally I am really quite shocked! 
I ‘m so sorry Marie, I am sure in your naivete you have good intentions, and I say all of this with  love for a fellow survivor who is perhaps struggling, like me, to make sense of the cruelty that we experienced. 
But what the hell are you  doing?
If Marie Collins is there to help fix her  broken church, and she has that agenda, then that of course is her choice. But please  tell it like it is! This has nothing at all to do with survivors of catholic clergy!  She absolutely does NOT represent survivors!
She is a catholic, and cannot possibly be objective or unbiased, she surely must know that  most survivors don’t want anything the hell to do with that church!
She is cynically wheeled out on a regular basis when the vatican needs a “victim”to display.
NO survivor should be used as part of their spin, and any investigation into their criminal behaviour has to be  be independent and secular.That survivors  could be part of.
We all are very active in our own ways in this battle, and it IS a battle, we have had to fight endlessly against this narcissistic organisation for even a scrap of justice, many of us have died fighting.
The church will NEVER do anything willingly or voluntarily, they have had to be dragged screaming at every turn.
Every time one of us plays a part, it takes an enormous amount out of us, we are damaged people, often ill, and each confrontation is painful. I am quite sure they are aware of that too, their delaying tactics suggest they have learned how to weaken people.
Every new  abuses  we hear about  is like a knife in our hearts.
Each time we are in the company of the smug, self satisfied clergy, insensitively still wearing their clerical regalia, our flesh creeps.
Every time we are asked to tell our "stories" again in full sordid detail, we re- live them.
Every time we hear of yet another fellow survivor taking  their own life or dying prematurely, it breaks our hearts again.
Every time we are dismissed, trivialised, lied about, cheated, and further abused, we are being damaged further, but we DO it because we HAVE to fight this criminal organisation , we are driven in our fight by our own unbearable and under acknowledged pain, and the knowlege that these abuses, often dismissed as “historic” are still happening, and there are future generations of children who will still be at risk.
If Marie Collins  really has survivors and future children at her heart, she would be categorically refusing to be part of this pantomime, as she should have refused the last time when she was wheeled out like a trophy at the vatican meeting. 
Marie Collins is not doing survivors , or our cause any favours at all, in fact may well be setting our cause back quite a way.
But  it is not too late for her to back out and tell them why!
So Marie, please,  if you really do have any concern for your  fellow survivors  all over the world who have been so cruelly treated by this, your  church, you will stand and be counted WITH us, not against us in this fight.
I have no desire to watch you being used and abused further simply because you want to make a difference.
Tell them you will not betray thousands of us by joining  in their game, and know that your refusal would be a far more powerful contribution than sitting for years with raging papists who’s sole agenda will be to protect the church ,dismiss survivors, and when cornered, only offer as little as they can get away with rather than as MUCH as they can possibly do.
There is still time to do the right thing!

Sunday 23 March 2014

Open letter to Baroness Hollins (or is this really the right thing for a peer of our realm to be involved with!)


Dear Baroness Hollins,
                           I am writing to you after hearing that you have been appointed to the vatican’s commission to look into the clergy child abuse crimes.
       I am the Co-founder of Survivors Voice Europe, based in England, and together with my colleague Ton Leerschool from Holland, we represent many hundreds  of clergy abuse survivors from all over the World.
      We gave evidence to the UN committee for the rights of the Child in Geneva against the Holy See, which resulted in the directive to the vatican to make very specific changes.
I am also part of the “Stop Church Child Abuse”  coalition in Britain calling for a public independent enquiry into the church child abuse scandal, and the churches mis-handling of it.
       I have no doubt you will have a specific remit within this commission, and you will also no doubt be inundated with opinions from a variety of directions.
       I would not attempt  to  offer any advice to you. Largely because our interest is not in any form  of healing for the church, but is focused totally on the connection with, and the empowerment of the many thousands of disaffected people who are the victims of priests.
We do not believe the solutions can come from within a church which has been the cause of the problems.
     What I do want you to be made aware of is that the vast majority of victims of pedophile priests are no longer part of that church, nor have any desire to be, so any representation of victim groups which come from within the church, do NOT represent the majority of us, and have only a limited understanding of the sheer scale of the abuses worldwide.You will hear plenty of sanitised stories.
    You should  know that the majority of survivors groups have no faith in the hierarchy of the church, or it’s apparent recent interest in this cause, after resisting and denying it’s responsibilities for centuries. We have had many dealings with them over the years and have  now chosen not to continue with meaningless dialogue.
 Of course  we are also aware that this commission has not been set up for the benefit of survivors, we are seen at best as collateral damage.
Fortunately we have found a far more powerful way of recovering from our traumas by trusting in each other and turning our backs on the organisation which has continued to abuse us. 
But for the sake of future abuse victims, and there will no doubt be many  more, I think it important that you hear that there can be no meaningful future safeguarding without first addressing the past injustices.
 Even if the vatican does as it has been requested, throws out it’s pedophile priests, opens up it’s files,  ceases to cover up their crimes both historic and current, makes  them adhere to the laws of the countries where the crimes have been committed,  even if all of the bishops are defrocked for their part in it, and even if there are many more “investigative” commissions - we will still be left with hundreds of thousands of dis-enfranchised survivors who have been dismissed, denied, trivialised, and have never received any kind of acknowledgement or justice.
That is not the way to build any kind of future which can regain or earn any kind of  respect from  the rest of the world.
 I would  like to draw to your attention also to the need to introduce some kind of understanding of  the severity of the damage caused by these crimes against children. 
You will be aware, from your professional background of some of the dreadful psychological damage, and presumably are also aware that this damage has a physical route in brain changes that are permanent. 
Current neuroscience research shows permanent damage to the brains of people abused in this way in childhood, and epigenetic research shows damage to the immune and metabolic systems of those victims,the further implication being  a  shortened life span. (I myself have nine life threatening or life limiting conditions! and I am far from unique ) This damage further affects the next generation and the next... and yet this is a crime , with  the destruction of the lives of so many which the church still sees fit to trivialise. 
I have to say, we as a group of very strong survivors do not hold out any hope for this commission,coming as it does only because of persistent external pressure to be open to scrutiny. The current pope’s defensive stance against the UN has only confirmed our opinions. 
The church does not need yet another investigative “commission” to learn to do the right thing. These delaying tactics are some of the most reprehensible, and often used to detract from the real issues.
We see this commission at best a paper PR exercise, with no real change.   
And I personally have very grave mis-givings about a peer of our realm being involved with the vatican’s latest PR stunt.
But if you really do have justice in your heart,and are not simply intent on mending your  broken church,  then I would urge you to use any influence you may have to  encourage the vatican to do as the UN have requested and open up to public independant secular scrutiny their past behaviour before they can ever consider drawing a line under it and safeguard future children.
I would also urge you to support the call for a public enquiry in this country as we have campaigned for.
We will be watching the commission with interest, while dealing with the far more important  task of supporting those who’s lives can never be the same again.
Yours Faithfully 
Sue Cox

Sue Cox 
Survivors Voice Europe
01926 640525 
0781 380 8026

Friday 21 March 2014

I'd take MY chances with the Mafia!





Well it seems today the pope is going to “comfort” victims of the Mafia! What a bloody hypocrite!
I remember when I first went to Rome and met the victims of the catholic clergy, and after being so shocked at their horrific stories, in sheer desperation asking “What can we do?”
One of the Italians very gravely said 
“Well in Italy we have two big problems, the Mafia and the vatican- if you REALLY want to help- you take the vatican! leave us with the `Mafia- we would be a damned sight safer!’
No one is excusing any criminal behaviour, but I can’t help pointing out that if any of the Mafia heirarchy were caught sexually abusing children, they would be dealt with pretty bloody quickly and probably  permanently!
Francis you are a bloody hypocrite and actually a bloody fool, people are NOT impressed with these PR stunts, you have to take the cotton wool out of your ears and put it into your mouth! 
People want you to start to do the right thing for the victims of YOUR organisation! 
If you can’t do that, and clearly you have no intention, then stay the F... out of other causes! Your actions are offensive!

Thursday 20 March 2014

Stuck in a hole!


A victim of catholic clergy abuse was stuck in a hole, it was actually a pit of despair. He had tried to get out for ages, climbing up and then falling back into the hole. He tried shouting but no one seemed to hear, he was beginning to feel suicidal and he wondered if he would survive.
Along came a passing  counsellor, who saw the victim in the hole and sympathised. The counsellor wanted to know “How does that make you FEEL?” and proceeded to explain that he would need years of therapy  and that of course would have a cost, but the counsellor promised to come back another day and “explore his feelings” further.
The victim thanked the counsellor, he had enjoyed having someone to speak to,--but he was still in the hole!
A priest walked by, at first he pretended not to see the victim, and tried to walk away, but the victim kept shouting and so he came back, he sympathised with his plight, asked him all about it and offered to pray with him. The victim thanked the priest, declined the prayers  and  as the priest walked away -- he was still in the hole!.
The Pope kept hearing  about the victim, and was embarrassed by being asked  all  the time what he was going to do -  so he went along to the top of the hole and shouted down to the victim that he was really really sorry!--- and as he scuttled off, (as fast as he could) --  the victim was still in the hole!
A lawyer came along, he wasn’t one of the good ones who is realistic and doesn’t give any bullshit, he was the celebrity kind, all orange perma- tanned and sparkly white teeth, able to turn on and off his tears on a sixpence. He told the victim he was going to fight for him and get him millions, he had lots of successes and he was the man! The victim thanked him, and was delighted that he was going to be fought for. But as the lawyer went off to organise yet another press conference -and a few TV appearances, - the victim was still in the hole!
One of the variety of “support” organisations sent a man to talk to the victim, he spent hours telling the victim all about his own abuses, and suggested that if he could recover- then so could the victim! The victim agreed, but as the “champion” walked away to try and get some “funding” -- the victim was still in the hole!
A psychiatrist was next, he explained to the victim how he had been badly damaged, that his brain had sustained permanent damage and that his life expectancy was probably shortened, he used a lot of long words, and explained the severity of the victims plight, and then he walked away,excitedly,  back to academia where he could talk about it and even present a paper- and the victim was still in the hole!
A journalist came along, he wanted to know the full story, especially the sordid bits, and promised to tell the world about the victim’s plight. And as he walked away to meet his deadline-- the victim was still in the hole!
A variety of others came and went, all of them seemed to think they had the magic “answer”, but after they had gone- the victim was still in the hole!
Then a Survivor came along- He climbed down into the hole with the victim - much to his dismay! The victim said “what are you doing? I have ben stuck down here for years, now we are both in the hole!
The Survivor said "yes you are right- but don’t worry I have been here before- and I know how to get out!"
Whenever a victim of clergy abuse reaches out for help- I want the hand of Survivors Voice Europe to be there!

Wednesday 19 March 2014

Feeling like shit!






Feeling pretty ill today, another bloody chest infection,head pounding, burning up  so had to stay in bed. I had a rotten night and very often when I can't sleep I put the radio on and listen to the BBC World service that often puts me off to sleep! In my temperature filled haze, I heard snippets of stuff on the radio, all about our new twelve sided pound coin, all about some particularly unpleasant pig disease, and also the fact that our governments have the capability of hacking into everybody's phones if they want to!
It occurred to me that if they can do that, then probably so can the vatican! especially with their great wealth and resources. I know that Hanora in Ireland swears her phone is bugged, and Ton in Holland has had similar experiences!
I am a great believer in transforming things like the piles of shit the catholic church has heaped on us into into manure to grow something,hence Survivors Voice Europe! It is a great way of dealing with it.
But I wondered if it would work the other way round!
I have two phone lines in my house, one for business, one for home, so I used my business line to leave a message on my home line in the hope that anyone who might be listening heard what duplicitous lying, wicked narcissistic creeps the vatican is full of, and how they are steadily getting weakened and cornered and Survivors are getting more connected and stronger! I then used my home phone to leave the same message on my mobile phone! And do you know what ? it worked!! (paranoia or not!) My headache went off and I started to feel better!


Saturday 8 March 2014

International Women's day!!!


Today is international Women’s day!
I salute all the women in the World, you are making such a difference. 
Growing up as an abused, mentally and emotionally disturbed girl, I didn’t form friendships, I was a loner, hiding my secrets, hiding my slashed up arms and legs, defensive and mistrustful.I felt dirty and inferior at the side of other girls because of my abused body because of my shame.
This is not good “best friend” material!
I was already an alcoholic by the time I was fifteen, still self harming, and also had an eating problem.
This does not make for giggly girly late night conversations!  
There were no shared “secrets” - first kiss, first intimate experience, mine would have been too shocking.So I made up a lot of stories! I was a good chameleon. 
Later I had a violent ex-husband, six children, no money, often no hope, 
This is not the stuff that “Young wives” or  “Mother and baby” groups are made of! 
Thanks to the distorted life path that the catholic indoctrination by the family who “bought “ me put me on, coupled with  the rape by one of their  “holy” priests, I was denied that which is most precious to the human species, the need to belong in a family, a group, a team, a tribe. More than that I never was part of any “sisterhood” Not a real woman!
I have always felt like an alien in a World I so badly wanted to belong to.
That has not changed, it would be nice to say “but now it is different” It cannot be, the damage was too great, it happened too young, and was compounded by addiction,guilt, shame,  and unworthiness. But It is OK! It is a life, and has much richness.
There is a saying in my household whenever I do anything “housewifely”
I will always say “That's what a proper woman would do”! It drives my husband mad, but it is how I have always felt. So I am able to cook, bake and sew and knit and do many things that I have seen “proper women” do, because I have always been watching them without belonging.
I felt like an alien desperately trying to impersonate a human ! 
But this is not a self pitying story! I have long accepted where I “fit”  in to the World, it may not be the same as others, but it is a place in the World none the less.
I now know that I am made of the same Stardust as everyone else!!
And I have a lot of women in my life now that I admire and respect, and would LOVE to be like -
I have two beautiful, honourable, accomplished daughters, I admire them both and am honoured to have given them life, if nothing else!
I was not exactly what great “role models” are made of! But I am SO proud of them , and thank them both for their love.
I have a wonderful kind, caring, clever and delightful granddaughter, who has been given my original name because my older daughter was incensed that even that was taken off me! What an honour for me, to watch her grow and blossom and take her place in the World.
I have a wonderful and brave daughter in law, who is battling a dreadful disease and inspires me every day with her courage.
The girl who was the love of my son Nick's life, who, despite his death, and although she now has a grown up family too,has still shared a bit  of  her life with me.
I have my Survivor women friends, who hugged me when we first met, and although we couldn’t speak the same language, there was a shared knowlege that is irreplaceable. Alda, Emma, Monika, Helen,Shelly and many more! 
The wives of some of my Survivor friends are amazing women - Paola and Julie, Antonella, Rosanna,and Paola B, all wonderful women that have shared a part of their lives with me. I am so grateful for their connections and acceptance.
And the Humanists , Atheist and Secularist women, thoughtful,intelligent,decent ,kind  and supportive, Helen, Stella, Mary, Debbi,Teo, and all. The AHS students,  Annie, Kim, and many more, delightful and honourable women.I value every precious minute I have shared with them
And the Facebook ladies! from America, Australia, Poland, Italy.
The women who I have been priveleged to share a speaking platform with, Maryame, Anne - Marie, Nahla, All of those women who have reminded me that there are many battles to fight, not just my own, and so I can help with theirs!
The women on the committee of the Rights of the Child at the UN in Geneva who showed their absolute solidarity with us in our recent victory against the vatican! 
So On International Women’s day I will be thinking of them all, and be thankful that I have at last got some kind of connection with that amazing band of “Sugar and Spice and all things nice!”



Friday 7 March 2014

Stick your meaningless apologies!


And while we are on that subject!
Don’t you just get sick and tired of people talking about how brave someone is for making an apology? 
As usual ,of course, I am ranting about the wretched catholic church and the pope in particular who suggests that we should “honour” his predecessor benedict for his courage for apologising to abuse  “victims” 
So here is the thing!
When I began my recovery from addiction many years ago, wretched and ashamed, and frightened, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous.
It saved my miserable  life and put me on the first wrung of the ladder towards the sober happy life I have now.
I don’t agree with every aspect of AA, I  don’t for example like the  idea of being “powerless” I don’t like the idea that I have no control over my actions.
I certainly don’t have any belief in god or a similar “higher power” and I don’t like the persistant emphasis on “character defects” 
So I eventually had to “graduate” from AA,  But I have been forever grateful for those early days and the lessons I learned from other addicts.
I was told that if I was serious about my recovery, I should “make amends” to anyone I had harmed. I was told that making amends did NOT mean saying “sorry”, it meant trying to put things back as far as possible to where they should have been before I messed them up. I was told it may not always be well received,I may not be "forgiven",  but I should do it anyway,without any hope of a reward, and  regardless of the outcome.
I was told that I should ask “ what can I do to put this right”? and be prepared to do exactly what was needed, within my power, rather than make snivelling apologies.  
I was told that I should take this part of my recovery very seriously. 
I was told many things by other addicts who’s sole desire was to pass on what they had learned ,and see me get well.Their simple compassion saved my life.
It seems that the elevated “up on a pedestal “pope and his followers don’t need such humility , after all they ONLY abused innocent children and destroyed thousands of lives for centuries, and ONLY lied and covered up their crimes. 
They obviously think these grudging apologies should be enough for we ungrateful survivors!
Sadly there are even some victims who have been so downtrodden that even they believe that is all they should expect.
These apologies are meaningless!
An apology should be an expression of real regret, not something that the criminal is “gifting” to his victims!
An apology should mean that you are NOT continuing with the abuse!
An apology should be the beginning of the process of making amends -  not the end product!
Any apology that has to be dragged out of someone after years of denial and refusal to acknowlege responsibility is MEANINGLESS!
Any apology that has to be begged for is OFFENSIVE!
Any apology that we are told we should be grateful for is an INSULT!
So stop your snivelling apologies francis, and learn from the true compassionate human beings like ex - drunks and junkies and start to
~MAKE AMENDS !!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday 6 March 2014

Francis you are a bloody liar!




Ok -  it is now official! 

pope francis is a bloody LIAR! No other words for him, no “maybe this” maybe that”  “maybe he didn’t know” “maybe he is being manipulated” He has just told one of the biggest LIES to come out of that narcissistic  hypocritical organisation  for centuries!
In his latest dishonest PR statement he told an Italian Newspaper regarding the child abuse scandal: 
"The Catholic Church is perhaps the only public institution to have acted with transparency and responsibility. No-one else has done more. Yet the Church is the only one to have been attacked.
WHAT!!!
Where the hell has this man been? How audacious can you get? Does he really think people believe that he is naive and oblivious to what has been going on for all of these years? Does he really think anyone is fooled by this pathetic attempt to cover up, yet again, the crimes of his church? He talks of the church being “attacked” as if it were some kind of innocent bystander!  
I can only presume he means the recent judgment by the UN which clearly states:
“The UN committee finds that The Vatican has  systematically placed  the "preservation of the reputation of the Church and the alleged offender over the protection of child victims." 
This was not church bashing, they are not a persecuted minority! 
This was based on EVIDENCE, the evidence given by me, my colleague Ton from the Netherlands and people like us who spent hours giving that evidence to the UN committee.
And they proved us RIGHT.And they found in our favour!!
Even with the ridiculous pantomime of the two archbishops with  a vast array of sycophants that they surrounded themselves with,
Even with the Canon lawyer whispering into their ears throughout,
Even with the vast amount of money they spent on PR and legal advice,
Even after they took so long to answer their accusers,
Even after their attempt at inappropriate humour, their press releases and cameras, 
Even with the frantic phone calls they kept making when there was a break ,
Even though they thought they could pull the wool over the eyes of the very professional UN committee,
Even with their attempt to dismiss those of us survivors who were there watching their performance,
THE EVIDENCE PROVED THEM GUILTY AS CHARGED
We are not rich people, we don’t get the congregations to pay our way, we pay for our own expenses, our own flights, and we don’t ask for any charity to support our battles, but even as a small group of damaged Survivors-
We still WON !
Because we have the evidence of thousands,
Because we could evidence everything we said
That is what honest evidence and the truth does.
This  man then went on to honour and even praise his predecessor,Benedict-  one of the most guilty participants to those  cover ups!
He suggested he should be admired for his bravery in apologising to “victims” !
WHAT!!
Benedict is guilty of crimes against humanity, and his grudging apologies are meaningless,especially as they had to be dragged out of him after years of arrogant denial.Why the hell would we want an apology! We want justice! and thanks to honourable organisations like the UN, we are beginning to get it!
Look at the EVIDENCE Francis, you will see you do not have a leg to stand on, and maybe you will stop trying to insult peoples intelligence. 
You would do well to shut up rather than keep digging  that hole you are in any deeper!
The decent people of the World will no longer stand for these atrocities, for your  hypocrisy and your church’s perceived privileges. 
Because they are looking at the evidence!
And because you, francis -  are a bloody LIAR!