Sue Cox

Sue Cox

Friday, 18 October 2013

Living Rent Free in my head!

Not able to sleep, head full of “stuff”-  hate those nights! 
I am so angry when I read about victims suffering all over the place, especially when I hear the church getting away with their abuses, their lies, their total lack of compassion.
I just read the terrible heart breaking  story of the young clergy  abuse victim in the US who has just committed suicide, sadly, not an uncommon fate for many of us, but never anything but a terrible tragedy.
They caused him to take his life, and yet in their distorted eyes his suicide would be considered a “sin”!
They won’t even bury  suicides despite being the reason for the suicides !
My lovely friend Chris Tina from Hawaii reiterated my thoughts too when she said the wretched organisation even takes millions from people, including  governments everywhere, to provide “programmes” for victims , when they are the  reason why someone might need a programme!
They want to offer “healing” to us, while they are the cause of all of the wounds!
They want to abuse us again by disregarding us, and then in order to appear “compassionate” they abuse the more vulnerable among us to further their PR stunts and save face!
They do make me sick!

BUT having said all of that - I am finding that they are spending too much time
in my head! 
They are living there rent free! 
They don’t pay rent or clean the place, take out the trash or do the washing up! They are in a cushy position and I allow it! I think I need to do what every other self respecting  “unpaid landlord” would do.  and kick them out!
 I am too often “giving them” large chunks of my precious day, and I have so few to spare!
I have always known that the way forward, for me, is to concentrate on “SURVIVAL” and on SURVIVORS, not dwell constantly on the failings of a narcissistic regime, which I know is incapable of change! I know how bloody dreadful they are, they continue to disgust me, (but not surprise me) and  it is hard not to be incensed when faced with ever increasing tragedies. 
It is, for me, all about balance, something I am not very good at for myself, despite my job being to  help others with it! 
Of course we have to fight these injustices and bear witness for each victim, campaign against these crimes against humanity, of course we have to stand and be counted alongside our fellow victims, but It cannot be my primary objective.
 That has to remain the empowerment of survivors, and the celebration of our lives, against all odds.This is where my precious energy needs to be focused.
If I allow these criminals constantly to dominate my thoughts, taking over prime position in my head at no cost to them - 
Then they have won again!  

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