Unadulterated Theft

One of the things that really pisses me off is when people take my words and use them as their own! I don’t know why, (I hope it’s not ego!) but it just bugs me! 

And it happens all the time. There is one man in  particular,  who, two days after I say anything, is quoted as saying  exactly the same words! I  can almost guarantee it! So I am not going to do it to others!

But is it really plagiarism? or is it just that we seem to come to the same realisations at the same time? I hope it is the latter which actually might mean that many of us are on the same page! 

And does it really matter  all that much when the same message is being circulated? 

Well I guess it really does, because we have already had so much taken from us that was not freely given, that these seemingly small things, our words , our thoughts, our identity, our intellectual property  is a much prized posession. 

I recently received an e mail from my friend John B in Australia, which echoed just what I had been thinking!

I had been looking in  a lot more depth at the UN convention on the rights of the child, especially since Ton and I  we will return to Geneva in January to listen to the holy see’s answer to our accusations that they are in breach of several of those articles.

That they are in breach is not in dispute, it is patently apparent that they have violated, and continue to violate,  the articles in question. 

How they will attempt to wriggle out of their responsibilities is also a “given” They certainly always use every dirty trick they can muster , and they have plenty of those, having honed those particular skills over centuries!

What probably won’t be talked about is of course that they are in breach of every child’s human right, when they bully and indoctrinate through fear and threats.

John’s mail read :

This one right a child has, the Church will not protect

Every person has the right to freely choose their religion. No child raised in  a Christian or other religion has their right to this safeguard protected. 

If the bishop were genuine with regard to protecting the rights of children he would firstly outlaw threatening children with hell. This clearly terrorizes and traumatizes children, for many of them this trauma last a lifetime. Real protection of the child's well-being must free them from any form of threat.
A child properly protected until they are of legal age would not encounter threats of hell, being bonded for life through baptism, being stained with the crimes and sins of their forbears. They would avoid being genitally mutilated to satisfy the religious beliefs of others. They would not be deceived and preyed on via the confessional and they would not be exposed to community protected pedophiles in their churches and their schools.

The one thing the bishop cannot provide is a system or a method that can say that they have raised a child and protected that child's right to be free to choose whatever religion they may wish upon reaching legal age.  Until the Church and other religions can provide this simple basic human right to all children then the bishops words ring hollow and become complicit in the control and the subjugation of children into a system that will claim ownership for the rest of the life of that child. 

It is not rocket science. There are no secular objections to protecting this right that children have. The only objections come from a failed hierarchy who will never remit their hold over children as that give them a hold over the adults. 

Until this basic is provided for all children and until their right is strictly protected there will be no safe place for any child. 

(He was responding to the comments of a US Bishop when addressing Canon Law Society)

Thank you John, for your thoughts, they echo my own.

Almost before a child is  old enough to walk, they are filled with fear and threats of HELL and eternal damnation and exclusion. They are given terrifying images of the devil hovering on their shoulder ready to pounce if they don’t adhere to religious laws. They are further traumatised by having to tell all of their innermost thoughts as “sins” in the barbaric confessional,even told they have to atone for their ancestors “sins” all the way back to Adam and eve!

Exclusion is the one of the worst thing for a child to bear and , certainly in my case,  was used a lot as a threat and a punishment. I hated it, and feared it.

It certainly did keep me obedient and subservient, because I was so afraid of the exclusion. 

So I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I hear the jesuit  boast “Give me a child before he is seven and I will show you the man”! 

Now THAT is IS  unadulterated   THEFT!

And  It makes me furious when I think of all that  wasted potential! The wasted years of indoctrination, and the vast amount of intellectual energy and pain it takes to finally break free of their stranglehold.

Not to mention the thousands who have never been able to.

So when  we are asking them to give up their hold on innocent children, we surely already know this wretched  organisation will never do that, how can they-  when they rely on them to be  the next generation of indoctrinated adults.

In Stealing from any child the right to a protected and nurturing childhood, these thieves have proven time after time that

ALL of this religion is child abuse!

"Sticks and stones"

Apparently this month is “Domestic violence awareness month” I “liked” it on my facebook page, I thought about it and of all the people who suffer violence, especially in their home, in what should be a place of safety.

Inevitably, and hopefully, without self pity, I thought about the times when I was beaten shitless by my cowardly first husband. I was beaten and kicked and I was terrified of him.

Worse than that he would do his worst when the children were in the house, and in my rather pathetic attempt to shield them from it, I would beg him to wait until they were asleep! 

Of course, they often heard it, and in later life my daughter told me how scared she was, hearing me being kicked under the stairs.

I was so damaged and full of self loathing that I thought I deserved the beatings I got, that self loathing was  another wonderful “gift” from my catholic upbringing and clergy abuse.

When he was at his worst, we lived in a house where I could see him coming from quite a distance, in those days he wore a black anorak with a yellow stripe on the sleeves. i used to se this “wasp like” vision coming closer and closer, and would get into a blind panic.

Now this man is no longer a part of my life, I don’t even know if he is alive or dead, and I care even less, and I rarely think about him.

But changing trains a while ago I was on a station and I suddenly got into a “blind panic” , most unusual for me, I am not given to anxiety attacks these days! 

But I turned my head, and just out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man in a black anorak with a yellow stripe down the sleeves. I hadn’t spotted it, but my brain, in it’s attempt to keep me alive, had registered the threat, and even after thirty five years,put me into “flight or fight” mode -  that image is still in there !

That is the power of damage to a human being, those kinds of experiences cause physical changes, that cannot be removed.

But worse than that, is the understanding I now have,  that witnessing domestic violence has a similar devastating effects on a child’s brain, and they will have a permanent change because of what they saw. I can hardly bear to think about it.

Even the words they hear and the language used affects them

When we sang  “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me “ We were SO wrong!

We cannot do very much about what happened in the past, but we can change the future.

That is why these public awareness campaigns are so important.

Each time we say something , or do something to another human being, we can set of such a negative chain of events which can last a liftetime, and even affect the next generation.

On the other hand, we can also set off a positive chain of events. In what time remains to me, I hope to try and do the latter.  

Bleeding the radiators!

In my “Day Job” as a therapist,   I am asked a lot about the “psychological” fallout from child abuse, as well as my field of addiction.

There is no doubt “psychological “ stuff is all very evident . The self loathing, the guilt, the despair, disassociation, addiction, self harm etc.etc.etc., the long term effects are very well  known and documented. 

But “psychological”symptoms  are  just that -symptoms. 

The cause is always in a PHYSICAL root, in the physiological changes that have occurred as a result of the abuses,  specifically in the brain, and that is what my studies and the   teaching in our workshops  is all about.

When we have an understanding of  the workings of the brain, and therefore can see more clearly HOW these symptoms occur physically, and will inevitably continue, then we can tailor the interventions accordingly. 

I guess the point is that I believe that without research and understanding of a given topic such as this, an inconsequential treatment may be given prior to something that could actually work , and might be much more appropriate. 

 A good analogy might be this :  

If your central heating radiators go cold you might have heard that “bleeding”  them makes them hot again.However, if this is all you understand about central heating , you will not check that the pilot light is still working or if the gas has run out , and so you can bleed the radiators all you like to no avail. 

 In fact if you kept doing it ad infinitum you'd drain the system!  

A certain treatment is only suitable in a certain situation , and without full knowledge you can't  really know which.

So armed with just the knowledge of bleeding radiators and a key,  we have a situation  whereby, having sweated to bleed them all, with no effect, we then blame the key! 

Maybe it is the wrong kind of key?

Maybe there needs to be more than one key? Maybe the key needs to be a different colour? shape? size?

If the problem is not the need to bleed those radiators, it is pointless concentrating on the key!  A vast amount of wasted time and energy, and frustration will  result. 

Far better, I am quite sure, to have a basic understanding of the central heating system! 

We unfortunately come across this scenario all the time in treatments, a random approach, often well meaning, but without a FULL understanding of all of the issues. 

It is no use trying to  re -arrange  a jigsaw puzzle to suit our particular piece of it, at best the result will  be minimal.

Of course you may get a lucky shot !  you may find that there are occasions when the fault DOES lie in the necessity to “bleed the radiators” - that it has been useful to have that key!  In treatment we will  always come across someone ,somewhere who has benefitted from pretty much every therapy you can name .

 But it is a  very big mistake to base the recovery of any vulnerable person on a “lucky shot”  -- They do not deserve it!

And if , knowing this, we continue to throw just any intervention  at them , then this can only be for our own agenda, and NOT the wellbeing of the person who may  badly need help, and who should always be the absolute focus .

There is no such thing as a “one fits all” solution.

If there were such a thing as a magic wand, we would surely all be waving it , and everyone would get better and live happily ever after!

But there are no magic wands! and there is no other condition more in need of an “holistic” approach than this one. 

But it has to be from an understanding of the true reality of the damage. 

Living Rent Free in my head!

Not able to sleep, head full of “stuff”-  hate those nights! 

I am so angry when I read about victims suffering all over the place, especially when I hear the church getting away with their abuses, their lies, their total lack of compassion.

I just read the terrible heart breaking  story of the young clergy  abuse victim in the US who has just committed suicide, sadly, not an uncommon fate for many of us, but never anything but a terrible tragedy.
They caused him to take his life, and yet in their distorted eyes his suicide would be considered a “sin”!

They won’t even bury  suicides despite being the reason for the suicides !

My lovely friend Chris Tina from Hawaii reiterated my thoughts too when she said the wretched organisation even takes millions from people, including  governments everywhere, to provide “programmes” for victims , when they are the  reason why someone might need a programme!

They want to offer “healing” to us, while they are the cause of all of the wounds!

They want to abuse us again by disregarding us, and then in order to appear “compassionate” they abuse the more vulnerable among us to further their PR stunts and save face!

They do make me sick!

BUT having said all of that - I am finding that they are spending too much time

in my head! 

They are living there rent free! 

They don’t pay rent or clean the place, take out the trash or do the washing up! They are in a cushy position and I allow it! I think I need to do what every other self respecting  “unpaid landlord” would do.  and kick them out!

 I am too often “giving them” large chunks of my precious day, and I have so few to spare!

I have always known that the way forward, for me, is to concentrate on “SURVIVAL” and on SURVIVORS, not dwell constantly on the failings of a narcissistic regime, which I know is incapable of change! I know how bloody dreadful they are, they continue to disgust me, (but not surprise me) and  it is hard not to be incensed when faced with ever increasing tragedies. 

It is, for me, all about balance, something I am not very good at for myself, despite my job being to  help others with it! 

Of course we have to fight these injustices and bear witness for each victim, campaign against these crimes against humanity, of course we have to stand and be counted alongside our fellow victims, but It cannot be my primary objective.

 That has to remain the empowerment of survivors, and the celebration of our lives, against all odds.This is where my precious energy needs to be focused.

If I allow these criminals constantly to dominate my thoughts, taking over prime position in my head at no cost to them - 

Then they have won again!  

An Uncarved block

Today I saw a beautiful scan picture of my unborn grandchild! 

My lovely daughter, Siobhan is expecting her first baby in April, and we are so thrilled and very excited! Especially I suspect, my other two beautiful teenage grandchildren who will be wonderful with him (or her!)

Looking at that amazing  three months scan, and seeing that little face and his/her brain which is perfectly developed and just showing,I am struck with absolute awe. 

The understanding of the Human brain is my area of absolute passion, and as I see my grandchild’s actually before my eyes, I marvel at the complexity and power of it, and how that baby at this moment is an “uncarved block” 

This baby, I  know will be loved, cared for, well looked after, educated without dogmas, protected and cherished, it will be valued for the unique irreplaceable individual  that it is, and will bring us all great joy. It will be shown the “Wonders of the World” rather than subjected to  the misery.

I am overwhelmed with the absolute imperative to protect these precious innocent lives, and probably even more poignantly so because my own entry into the World, and the subsequent traumas  were so different.

My own birth was shrouded in secrecy(I think money changed hands!) and I was brought up in fear and guilt and abuse.They even changed my name. apparently my real name was Christine, but they changed it to Susan.

When my beautiful eldest daughter had her  first daughter, she called her Christina! 

She told me that it had so appalled her that they had even taken away my name, she somehow wanted to claim that name back for me! I don’t know if I ever told her how much that gesture meant.

When I think of the damage done by so called “men of god” I am sickened and even further incensed tonight. I have always wondered about that saying “what goes around comes around” especially since I see the evil of the church never punished never addressed.

No one on earth has the right to take away that innocence, to carve their evil on that uncarved block,  and imprint it there for ever. 

If I believed in Hell, I would gladly hope they would rot in it.(thankfully I can now see that Hell was another of the fears they laid  on us!)

My own six children were my life, but thanks to that church,and it’s predatory priest, they were burdened with a very damaged Mother, and I am sure they are the wonderful human beings they are now only by sheer luck, rather than good management! 

I always seemed to be like Taurus in the China shop of life.

But they are breaking that destructive cycle, they are restoring our family to wholeness and  

tonight I am very proud.

There was a time when there was a distinct possibility that I wouldn’t live to see this turning around, I would have been dead from drink or drugs,quite disturbed , I was always a tragedy waiting to happen. 

It was their love and the need to try and be there for them, no matter how inadequately, that saved my life. I am so proud of the six beautiful human beings that I gave life to, and their children. 

Grandchildren are the most wonderful things in the World, they love you ,and allow you to put a few things right that you maybe got wrong the first time around.

When I first got sober, my sponsor , and friend,  Peter told me that as long as I stayed grateful, I would stay sober!  And I am not always grateful, I get too busy and complacent and forget.

But tonight I am indeed so grateful. Not to a god, but to all the wonderful human beings that have influenced me and still surround me.  

Humility Please!!

Don’t you find that Humility is an extremely attractive quality?

I listen to a lot of great words , sometimes from great people, in my attempt to make sense of the World and my life etc. 

But the ones that have really stuck in, and the ones I can really remember, were the ones that came from people with true humility!

Now before I start to sound religious (fat chance!) let me clarify!

The man who helped me get to sober, Peter, was one of these men, he was not in the least bit religious, but he was a genuine life saver! He helped save many people’s lives, not by giving them grand speeches or profound wisdom, but by his heart felt concern for other addicts. He had very little “small talk”  and was quite shy, but he would go to the ends of the earth to help a fellow addict. And he did it without god and with  real humility.

He was a primary school teacher, and a brilliant one.He once said that during his active “drinking days” he had been a  dreadful teacher,  and he knew that he couldn’t help all of the children who had passed through his hands during that time, but what he COULD do was make sure that every single child from then on would have the very best , and more,  that he could do.Inspiring.

My meditation teacher, is a real inspiration, gives me unlimited unconditional support, and is very wise, without judgment and incredibly humble.

My son who battles his bi-polar disorder, and has always had very bad health, loves simplicity, his garden, his birds, and is a great listener.Great humour, and humble! Talking to him lifts my spirits and inspires me! 

Professor AC Grayling, a very profound and brilliant man, but charming and very  humble.

I am so fortunate because I meet many of these “unsung heroes” in the survivor world and the addiction recovery world, the ones that are most  effective are the ones with real humility!

Ordinary, everyday people, who don’t say a great deal to anyone, but go about their days just trying to do “the right thing” inspire me and make me feel humble.

I so want to be more like them!