Thankyou Cambridge -common sense and decency prevailed!

Thursday  I  had a very mixed day, amazing, humbling, some of it  exciting and then some nauseating!

But that is the thing with life isn't it? we are up we are down,We spend uplifting inspiring time with great people and then we are forced to be in the company of arse-holes! (I will explain!)
I thought I would share it with you! 

The day started by driving down to London to be at the launch of Sharia Watch UK held in the wonderful building of the House of Lords, courtesy of Baroness Cox (no relation!) Brilliant morning, great speakers brave hard work done by Anne Marie Waters and all. So good  to be part of this movement, and to be able to support other causes, (sometimes it is easy to think we have the monopoly on suffering and oppression!!!) and great to be in that wonderful historic building.

What a privilege it was to be there! even my drive down was beautiful, as I drove around Hyde Park corner the household cavalry were moving about sixty horses to Buckingham Palace mews. They were awe inspiring, no saddles, sleek and shiny and beautiful.
Then I drove up to Cambridge where David Greenwood and I were going to the Student Union debate. he was debating,( I was his "plus one") and we were with great company, Chris Street from Atheist UK and Sara Passmore from British Humanists association.

What an honour to be in those hallowed grounds and in true Cambridge Union fashion we were treated like very honoured guests.
Amazing debating chamber and an added bonus for  me was my friend from Oxford Ben Krishna, now at Cambridge was there to support us! 
 Reception and supper set the scene for the debate, and I got my first look at the "opposition" in the form of "fr." Andrew Pinsent an arrogant  catholic priest who's ego took up most of the dining room. Then there was Petter Williams,"pro life campaigner and speaker for catholic voices" who is just about one of the most self satisfied, pompous assess I  have ever had the misfortune to encounter! The other speaker came in after supper, she was Melanie McDonagh, a writer for the evening standard.
  The proposal for the debate was "This house believes that the catholic church is a force for good"
needless to say we were very much opposing this motion!
  Andrew Pinsent spent most of his allotted ten minutes listing all the great inventors of the past, claiming them for the catholic church, despite the fact that most of them lived in a time when pretty much everybody was a papist. He didn't say anything pertinent, but clearly he is someone who is used to public speaking, so he can listen to his own voice with which he is so clearly madly in love.
The lady speaker Melanie was quite a pleasant if scatty lady, didn't make too much sense , and even conceded a few of "our" points, although speaking against us.

The two "blokes"  throughout our sides submissions rolled their eyes, huffed and puffed and interrupted and if they were not so sinister, would have been  reminiscent of the silly little boys in my  second year infants school class. 

Every time we made mention of child abuse and catholic indoctrination they nearly had a seizure  and our mention of the UN commission for the rights of the child and it's damning report of the vatican seemed to cause a raise in their blood pressure enough to cause a cerebral explosion! 

Peter Williams from "catholic voices" was arrogant, pompous, vicious and the enormous amount of complimentary booze he had thrown down his neck was showing his true anger driven colours.

He was armed with "data" and meaningless  figures of how few priests were abusers, churned up all the usual crap about "francis" and all of the apologies that ungrateful survivors seemed to be spurning.and suggested the UN commission had not been shown any real evidence.

That was I am afraid the cue for me to give him a few home truths which resulted in great applause form the audience and caused him to throw a look at me that suggested I should drop dead imminently.

He mumbled that our evidence is anecdotal and not "data" and continued to defend his indefensible church with vitriolic nonsense.

David and Chris and Sara were measured and magnificent, which had  our "friend"  on the other side almost having  steam coming out of his ears.

We all retreated to the bar to await the result of the votes and when the bell rang and the votes were cast we were overjoyed that we had WON!!!!! The house had thrown out the proposal, and our catholic "friends" were furious.

The more free booze Peter Williams  consumed,  the more angry he became until at last he managed to stagger over to our party looking for a fight!

I have to say he ONLY attacked me verbally, but there was a point when I thought he would hit David!

We decided to leave before he got even uglier.

And here is the thing! they behaved in exactly the way we would expect, and the way the UN has accused them of, putting the face of their church above any  concerns of their victims and using every dirty trick in the process.

We didn't actually need to try and win against them, they did that all by themselves!

Amazing that the church is so afraid of us that they have the  "media" face which is "catholic voices" who they "train" to defend the church! 

We were there to tell the truth , they were there to defend the indefensible.

AND THE TRUTH WON!!!!

Its THAT time of year again!!

Well Its that time of year again!! you could set your clock by it -  you could take it to the bank!

It is that  "FORGIVE and FORGET"  time !

Every single year as it comes up to Easter, there will be a statement or two from Rome about their “sadness and regret and shame” and the request for victims to “Forgive” the pedophile priests that have destroyed their lives!

Already it has started, pope francis has sent out his usual meaningless apology, begging for “forgiveness”  and this time in a clever twist of the PR spin, (are you responsible for that Lombardi?) he has even said HE will take responsibility for all of the evil pedophile priests in his church, and begs for ‘FORGIVENESS’  for what he calls the  moral damage done to children.

Already today I have done two radio interviews when I was asked  yet again why we could not forgive them ? Why was I not impressed by what they call francis’ “strongest statement yet about pedophile priests? “stronger than any other pope to date” they said.

Well he is the first pope to be cornered that is why! apart from benedict who of course ran away from HIS responsibilities. 

WTF

It puts me in mind of when my kids were all little and one of them had done something wrong, and none of them would own up to it! 

Everyone therefore got the sanctions,everyone sent to their room etc.until eventually, fed up with the sanctions one of them would say:
 “ok I will take the blame, it wasn’t me but I will take it!) 

They were nine and ten years old,  This man presumably is an adult!

Take the responsibility? It does not work like that francis! 

We want the guilty pedophiles,  and there are hundreds being protected by you, to face the laws of the countries where they committed their crimes, and go to JAIL.

We want you to comply with the instructions you got from the UN 

We want you to stop trying to police yourselves, you are not capable.

We want you to MAKE AMENDS not make any more obsequious apologies

We want you to stop wringing your hands like Uriah Heep and crying “regret” with fake humility - it is futile.

And we also would be very  pleased to hear you admit that it is your narcissistic organisation that is to blame, rather even that the pathetic inadequate creeps who do do the deeds!

But more than anything we want you to stop asking us to forgive you!!!!!

We will NOT forgive you! we may come to terms with what has happened to us, we may make a life for ourselves despite you, but “forgiveness” is your word, a church word, a meaningless pathetic weak request.

The onus is on YOU to make amends not US  to forgive!

And if we refuse to “forgive” then it is US who are seen as in the wrong!! ungrateful for your apology!

PLease do not  to use this time every year keep insulting and offending and abusing us further.

Lets talk about bunnies and lambs and chocolate eggs  and stop listening to this nonsense designed at  every opportunity to wriggle out of your crimes.

Sounds like HELL!

Sounds like HELL!

I rarely listen to “thought for the day” for good reason,- I don’t believe in a word  they say!

This morning, however, I could hear the “whine” from my radio as I got ready for the day.

You can’t mistake the subject, you don’t even have to hear the words, there is a tone of voice which is quite unmistakable, it is the one that I heard all the time from the pulpit  and from conversations with catholics before I escaped that vicious organisation.

It is like they have a “tone” bypass, everything is a monotone, zombie like almost.It seems that whenever they talk about their “faith” they have to adopt this tone, in order to create a sense of gravitas. And it is so bloody miserable! 

But then being miserable or distressed , in pain , traumatised is what they think we should be grateful for!

When I  was a child I was always told to “offer it up”! if I had any discomfort. I should welcome it as an opportunity to “atone” for my “sins” either past or future, because there was no doubt I was born a “sinner” and would be a “sinner” for the rest of my life! 

So you have broken your ankle ? “Offer it up”!

You are frightened and bruised? “offer it up”! 

You can’t breathe? “offer it up”!

The priest raped you? “offer it up”! I was even told to “pray for him” 

 Absolute cruel and wicked bullshit! From an organisation that pretends to value and preach “compassion” !

So every time I hear that “whine” it reminds me of the crap I was forced to swallow for so many years. It is a sound “trigger” for me, along with the smell of stale sweat , whiskey and incense.

As Survivors of these criminals I believe it is important to surround yourself with things only that nurture you, the wholesome and the clean.

Be mindful what you eat,drink, watch, listen to - be discriminating - you are precious and worth it.

Be careful who’s company you keep, and even  beware of exploitation.

I wouldn’t deliberately put poison into my mouth, so I won’t listen to it either!

But I don’t have to worry too much that it will pollute me these days, because that bloody “whine” alerts me to the imminent bullshit !

"Feel Good "chemicals!

I have always instinctively known that as a rule it is better to give than to receive. Not because of any religious doctrine or instruction, and certainly  not because I am  trying to be Pollyanna,  but simply because it makes me feel good!

Theres no doubt that receiving gifts is always a great pleasure, especially because it means someone is thinking about you, has chosen something with you in mind, and cares enough to give it. 

Theres also no doubt that we receive a boost of endorphins, those brilliant “feel good chemicals” when we receive a gift.

But what is probably not so often talked about  is that an even greater number of those chemicals are produced by the act of giving! A positive avalanche of them, this is a scientific fact!

Research shows that when you give something, even when there is no chance of reward, even when  you may never see the recipient, or they may even not know who you are, the chemical “high” is just the same! 

This is all scientific brain research, and it is a great gift! 

It seems like a very cool way of getting some “feelgood” to me!

Which is one of the reasons we at Survivors Voice Europe shy away from asking for money! We prefer to give our time, and our resources, rather than hold out a begging bowl, competing with other charities for the small amount of money out there.Things like Cancer Research, Starvation, Homelessness, Mental illness, etc. 

Nor do we feel that the ordinary “cash strapped” tax payer should be paying for the crimes of the church, although we know that when asked, people will give  because  as human beings we are actually hard wired to be “givers” there will always be those who dig deep into their pockets for a great cause, even when they can ill afford to.

Surely these criminals know that too! They rely on it.

Of course there is hardship, many survivors have struggled through life, often ill, their education and work interrupted, never having built up health care plans or pensions. We have always advocated the need for a metaphorical “warm blanket” to be wrapped around us especially after a lifetime carrying such  a huge burden.I would love to see all survivors being given a safe and worry free comfortable life, their lives being put to where they might have been had they not been so cruelly distorted. Perhaps something similar to a life pension would be a good plan!  

There may be a need for therapy,and if so it should be the best professional and ethical help that money can buy, not a botched up “charity” that sees this problem as a “cash cow,”  and at best sticks a plaster on a wound. There needs to be the recognition that not everyone needs or wants therapy!! and they hould not be bullied into believing that they MUST go down this route. Survivors might want to lie in the sun on a beach somewhere or go to the casino! This should be the Survivors choice!! 

This should not be charitable money, it should be seen as a right, it has been very hard earned!

That money, and any other money that is needed should come from the perpetrators and go- without strings - straight to the survivor. The law should be making sure of this, that it is their right as victims of serious crime. And the law and everyone else involved should be educated into the true nature of this damage so that the compensation fits the crime.

We as survivors have always felt lower than a snakes belly in the grass, often on  the periphery of our communities, sidelined, disempowered. Relegated to the role of vermin scavenging for our basic need to belong.

Why on earth would we want to become the focus of someone else’s charity? 

Why would we want to feel less powerful than those who are making a living out of helping? 

Why would we want to be seen as “needy” or inadequate?

And more than anything else,Why would we not want to experience the buzz that comes from GIVING rather than receiving? Why would we always give that feeling away to someone else! We have MUCH to give, and lots to gain from that giving.

It seems that the emphasis is always on “how to get’ something, rather than what can I do to contribute. It is not a default position that I want. I have no desire for pity.

It is well documented that I started my road to recovery with the AA programme, and I have talked about my gratitude for those early days.

That has not stopped me from saying the things that I don’t like about it, like the reliance on a higher power and the emphasis on character defects, the idea of powerlessness etc.

But there are several things that I think are enviable  about that movement.

a fellowship that was started by two “hopeless” drunks helping each other who then “passed that message” on to the first one hundred, and which has now grown into millions who’s lives have been saved.

The fact that it has ALWAYS been non -  professional and self supporting, refusing  offers of “outside” help, saying “Lest issues of money, power  or prestige should detract from our primary purpose” Which in their case is to stay sober and to help others achieve sobriety.

The idea that having been given this gift, and in order to keep it, you should give it away to others.

In Survivors Voice Europe OUR primary purpose is to connect with, and help support and empower other Survivors, and the opportunity to do that is a real gift.

Bloody Idiot!

http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/vatican-cardinal-angelo-bagnasco-says-keeping-quiet-sex-abuse-can-protect-victims-1442648

So here we go again, this bloody idiot churning out this  ridiculous old argument that the church should not report clergy abuses to the police "To protect the victims"!

WTF........
How many times do we have to tell them that we do not WANT to be silenced any more!
How many times do we have to tell them that THEY are not equipped with enough integrity  to make these decisions?
How many times do we have to tell them that they are no longer running the show?
How many times do they need to be told that these people are CRIMINALS and the children abused by them are DAMAGED?
How many times do they need to have it pointed out to them that they are in breach of hundreds of human rights?
They are the LAST people we would want to "protect us"! we know what their kind of "protection" entails. It is them we need protection from!
They say they will "let parents decide" what is best for their abused and raped children!
These will be the same parents who have been terrified of them and indoctrinated by them for years.
These are the same parents who will listen to their "priestly" advice, and thank them for their consideration, be terrified of the consequences of reporting the church, frightened of them and their children being shunned by their catholic communities (The only 'pack" they have ever know)
These are the same parents who will be no doubt left to pick up the peices of their broken children, their shattered lives.
They say they have to put morality before legal concerns!
WHAT!!! as if they have any sort of morality to offer! These creeps show their amorality at every turn.
You are protecting criminals! Get the laws of each land involved in the manner that you have been INSTRUCTED to do.
You  are no longer in a position of trust or  have the  respect of decent people worldwide.
We do not want to hear any more of your "Words of Wisdom" - You don't have any.
You shoot yourselves in the foot almost daily! Take that cotton wool out of your ears and shove it in your mouths!
How many time do you have to be told:
It is BLOODY easy! Just Do the RIGHT thing and
                      MAKE AMENDS!!! 

Happy Mothers day!

Today is “Mothers day” and as usual I got lovely cards and presents from my wonderful children, and even my grandchildren! So special,so undeserved, and I am so proud of them all.

I guess even more so because they began their lives with what can only be described as a raving lunatic for a Mother! Damaged and dysfunctional, bumbling through like Taurus in the china shop if life, with few parenting skills and the ones I did have were suspect.

I always say my children survived more by luck than good management, and the fact that they are such honourable, happy, clever  professional people is a constant source of amazement!

This is not false modesty, these are facts! 

When we are trying to get people to understand the severity of the damage caused by catholic indoctrination and clergy sexual abuse, we should be very clear about how OUR damage passes on to the next generation, and even the next... We may well  have physically grown at the accustomed rate, may have acquired some academic knowledge, but often our emotional landscape can be pretty bleak!

When that wretched organisation tells us that they have “only the best interests of children at heart” they omit taking  into account that this abused child will grow up ,have a distorted view of life, and the sort of parent that  abused person might  become!

How they churn out “ unexploded bombs”  and stand back and say they are not responsible!

One rather stupid catholic woman with ten children once sanctimoniously told me “You know “Our Lady chooses her Mothers!” 

Who the hell would wish any child to have an alcoholic, drug addicted, self harming suicidal Mother with an eating problem! 

Don’t be bloody ridiculous!

The need to have endless children was always part of being a catholic, it was considered our duty, our “raison detre” and goodness knows I would NOT swap any one of mine! In some obscure way, I thought that it somehow was the ONLY thing I was able to do! but  even animals have better mothering skills!
I didn't know my birth Mother, and my adopted one betrayed me dreadfully, so my view of "Mothers" was not one I would want to emulate.But I have met some amazing women who I have watched and admired.

It’s generally considered that this kind of abuse will take seven generations before it heals, and can  I well believe it. 

We are all a sum total of our genes and our life experiences, and that particular experience is indelible and changes us at the level of our DNA.

I watched  with awe my children become the caring considerate  adults they are, but I know they have all had their demons to face.

I cannot take much credit for them, but I love them more than my life, and am proud to say they have blossomed without too much influence from  that narcissistic organisation that would have seen them as “numbers” or worse, as prey for their deviant clergy.

I won’t be around to see that damage worked out through those generations, but  at least I can say that I have started the process! I hope one day there will be NO trace of Rome in my children’s children and that everything we have gone through will make them strong.
My older daughter has two beautiful children, and is a quite remarkable Mother, and My youngest daughter is about to have her first baby and will,  I know,  be equally amazing.
The healing has begun!
For them, and all my wonderful friends who are Mothers - I send my love and awe! 
Happy Mothers day!

Please Marie Collins

Please Marie Collins!!

I hate criticising any survivor of catholic clergy abuse, goodness knows we  have all been to hell and back, and have been carrying horrific scars and a huge burden, one that may never actually be possible to put down. 

We are all different, we are not clones, we have had different experiences, have had varying levels of support, and were the prey of varying clerical deviants, with a whole variety of sick predilections.

In our fights back against the criminal organisation that spawned those pedophiles and protected them, while abusing us further, we all make very different contributions.

Some are very public, others very private, each one of us makes a difference in our own way. Each contribution is valuable and precious.

So usually when another survivor goes their own way, I  don’t think I have the right to judge their motives.

But when the vatican is manipulating one of them and using their “victim” status to their own ends and in order to appear to be addressing their crimes, then I am afraid I have to speak about it.

I am talking about the choice of Marie Collins as the “token victim” by the vatican in their ridiculous “investigation commission” regarding clergy abuse.

Everyone is saying that they welcome this choice, but personally I am really quite shocked! 

I ‘m so sorry Marie, I am sure in your naivete you have good intentions, and I say all of this with  love for a fellow survivor who is perhaps struggling, like me, to make sense of the cruelty that we experienced. 

But what the hell are you  doing?

If Marie Collins is there to help fix her  broken church, and she has that agenda, then that of course is her choice. But please  tell it like it is! This has nothing at all to do with survivors of catholic clergy!  She absolutely does NOT represent survivors!

She is a catholic, and cannot possibly be objective or unbiased, she surely must know that  most survivors don’t want anything the hell to do with that church!

She is cynically wheeled out on a regular basis when the vatican needs a “victim”to display.

NO survivor should be used as part of their spin, and any investigation into their criminal behaviour has to be  be independent and secular.That survivors  could be part of.

We all are very active in our own ways in this battle, and it IS a battle, we have had to fight endlessly against this narcissistic organisation for even a scrap of justice, many of us have died fighting.

The church will NEVER do anything willingly or voluntarily, they have had to be dragged screaming at every turn.

Every time one of us plays a part, it takes an enormous amount out of us, we are damaged people, often ill, and each confrontation is painful. I am quite sure they are aware of that too, their delaying tactics suggest they have learned how to weaken people.

Every new  abuses  we hear about  is like a knife in our hearts.

Each time we are in the company of the smug, self satisfied clergy, insensitively still wearing their clerical regalia, our flesh creeps.

Every time we are asked to tell our "stories" again in full sordid detail, we re- live them.

Every time we hear of yet another fellow survivor taking  their own life or dying prematurely, it breaks our hearts again.

Every time we are dismissed, trivialised, lied about, cheated, and further abused, we are being damaged further, but we DO it because we HAVE to fight this criminal organisation , we are driven in our fight by our own unbearable and under acknowledged pain, and the knowlege that these abuses, often dismissed as “historic” are still happening, and there are future generations of children who will still be at risk.

If Marie Collins  really has survivors and future children at her heart, she would be categorically refusing to be part of this pantomime, as she should have refused the last time when she was wheeled out like a trophy at the vatican meeting. 

Marie Collins is not doing survivors , or our cause any favours at all, in fact may well be setting our cause back quite a way.

But  it is not too late for her to back out and tell them why!

So Marie, please,  if you really do have any concern for your  fellow survivors  all over the world who have been so cruelly treated by this, your  church, you will stand and be counted WITH us, not against us in this fight.

I have no desire to watch you being used and abused further simply because you want to make a difference.

Tell them you will not betray thousands of us by joining  in their game, and know that your refusal would be a far more powerful contribution than sitting for years with raging papists who’s sole agenda will be to protect the church ,dismiss survivors, and when cornered, only offer as little as they can get away with rather than as MUCH as they can possibly do.

There is still time to do the right thing!