"Feel Good "chemicals!

I have always instinctively known that as a rule it is better to give than to receive. Not because of any religious doctrine or instruction, and certainly  not because I am  trying to be Pollyanna,  but simply because it makes me feel good!

Theres no doubt that receiving gifts is always a great pleasure, especially because it means someone is thinking about you, has chosen something with you in mind, and cares enough to give it. 

Theres also no doubt that we receive a boost of endorphins, those brilliant “feel good chemicals” when we receive a gift.

But what is probably not so often talked about  is that an even greater number of those chemicals are produced by the act of giving! A positive avalanche of them, this is a scientific fact!

Research shows that when you give something, even when there is no chance of reward, even when  you may never see the recipient, or they may even not know who you are, the chemical “high” is just the same! 

This is all scientific brain research, and it is a great gift! 

It seems like a very cool way of getting some “feelgood” to me!

Which is one of the reasons we at Survivors Voice Europe shy away from asking for money! We prefer to give our time, and our resources, rather than hold out a begging bowl, competing with other charities for the small amount of money out there.Things like Cancer Research, Starvation, Homelessness, Mental illness, etc. 

Nor do we feel that the ordinary “cash strapped” tax payer should be paying for the crimes of the church, although we know that when asked, people will give  because  as human beings we are actually hard wired to be “givers” there will always be those who dig deep into their pockets for a great cause, even when they can ill afford to.

Surely these criminals know that too! They rely on it.

Of course there is hardship, many survivors have struggled through life, often ill, their education and work interrupted, never having built up health care plans or pensions. We have always advocated the need for a metaphorical “warm blanket” to be wrapped around us especially after a lifetime carrying such  a huge burden.I would love to see all survivors being given a safe and worry free comfortable life, their lives being put to where they might have been had they not been so cruelly distorted. Perhaps something similar to a life pension would be a good plan!  

There may be a need for therapy,and if so it should be the best professional and ethical help that money can buy, not a botched up “charity” that sees this problem as a “cash cow,”  and at best sticks a plaster on a wound. There needs to be the recognition that not everyone needs or wants therapy!! and they hould not be bullied into believing that they MUST go down this route. Survivors might want to lie in the sun on a beach somewhere or go to the casino! This should be the Survivors choice!! 

This should not be charitable money, it should be seen as a right, it has been very hard earned!

That money, and any other money that is needed should come from the perpetrators and go- without strings - straight to the survivor. The law should be making sure of this, that it is their right as victims of serious crime. And the law and everyone else involved should be educated into the true nature of this damage so that the compensation fits the crime.

We as survivors have always felt lower than a snakes belly in the grass, often on  the periphery of our communities, sidelined, disempowered. Relegated to the role of vermin scavenging for our basic need to belong.

Why on earth would we want to become the focus of someone else’s charity? 

Why would we want to feel less powerful than those who are making a living out of helping? 

Why would we want to be seen as “needy” or inadequate?

And more than anything else,Why would we not want to experience the buzz that comes from GIVING rather than receiving? Why would we always give that feeling away to someone else! We have MUCH to give, and lots to gain from that giving.

It seems that the emphasis is always on “how to get’ something, rather than what can I do to contribute. It is not a default position that I want. I have no desire for pity.

It is well documented that I started my road to recovery with the AA programme, and I have talked about my gratitude for those early days.

That has not stopped me from saying the things that I don’t like about it, like the reliance on a higher power and the emphasis on character defects, the idea of powerlessness etc.

But there are several things that I think are enviable  about that movement.

a fellowship that was started by two “hopeless” drunks helping each other who then “passed that message” on to the first one hundred, and which has now grown into millions who’s lives have been saved.

The fact that it has ALWAYS been non -  professional and self supporting, refusing  offers of “outside” help, saying “Lest issues of money, power  or prestige should detract from our primary purpose” Which in their case is to stay sober and to help others achieve sobriety.

The idea that having been given this gift, and in order to keep it, you should give it away to others.

In Survivors Voice Europe OUR primary purpose is to connect with, and help support and empower other Survivors, and the opportunity to do that is a real gift.