I LOVE NEW YORK!

Just back from New York!!
As always I am amazed by the wonderful people there are in the world!
What a great trip, I was so warmly welcomed by the groups I was speaking too, The NY.Atheists and the NY Humanists, Secularists and Freethinkers. By all of the  warm and funny, kind and  compassionate people who attended and also those who I had other meetings with.
We are taking our workshop
"Winning the Battle of the Abused Brain"  "to New York in early September! We are so excited!
We now have the most fabulous venue at "Thoughtworks" on Madison Avenue, and the brilliant support of that particular group too : thoughtworks.com/new-york
Great always to meet up  with old and good friends, Helen McGonigle and Mary Ward Caplan (Thanks for the lovely  time at Cafe Bleu!) and Pam Spees from CRC (thanks for introducing me to the Oyster bar under Grand Central station!) as well as your unswerving support!
The wonderful anthropologist Dr.David Orenstein, my very dear friend (read his blog: www.paleolibrarian.info) with his indefatigable support, love optimism and care, and his colleague psychotherapist Linda Blaickie who have included me in their book "Godless Grace" out in September!
Great to meet Dr. Jay Kantor, who interviewed me and connected with me so beautifully, and  has already helped our cause, and will be a wonderful friend and fellow traveller.
Delighted also to meet Gloria Rosen, the talented actress and author and hear of her show "Listen can you hear me now!" Another firm bond created.
As usual I am overwhelmed and struck by how many inspiring people I rub shoulders with and am energised by. I haven't named you all but  You ALL give me wings!!!!
I have always loved New York, fond memories of working there and learning there.
Now I can say I love it even more!!!

The F word!

What the hell gives with people constantly telling me I should "forgive" ??

I am pretty sick of being asked if I "forgive"  the church,  and priest who abused me or the parent that looked the other way!

I am even more sick of the implication that if I DON'T "forgive" them, then there  is something dreadfully a inherently  wrong with ME!
What a very clever bit of emotional blackmail the church has created here! 

A lady I  taught a while ago, said she was worried that I had said "NO" when asked about this, because it was denying myself the release that "forgiveness " could bring, and not allowing  others to know that relief! A rampant catholic of course! Head on one side in "Diana" pose, pitying everyone in sight who didn't follow in her enlightened path like sheep ! 
It is further infuriating when having made my feelings on this matter  quite clear the person in question then proceeds to "explain" to me exactly what forgiveness means! seemingly thinking that it is my ignorance that is the stumbling block!
Well here's the thing!
OF COURSE I understand that it is not a good thing to be eaten up with  resentment - (the route of THAT word being "sentient - to feel" )
so  in effect "re- feeling" what has happened.
That is really quite easy for me to grasp! Of course we do often "re-feel" what happened to us, that is the nature of the abuse legacy, flashbacks occur, and memories are triggered, mostly that is out of our control! But of course I am not going to seek that out!   
OF COURSE  I know that the best way to get "better" is to find a way of accepting what has happened and to transform it in some way! It is what I have been doing for years!
OF COURSE I don't want to be obsessed with revenge, or consumed with bitterness. My life is too short, my time too precious to waste on those narcissists!
That is NOT my point!
This very concept of "forgiveness" is a church word, and has NO place in my head or my heart as far as they are concerned. 
Turn the other cheek! WTF!!

But  just to look at it a bit more carefully, without TOO much flippancy- I looked up some of the definitions.

FORGIVENESS:

TO PARDON, EXCUSE, EXONERATE, ABSOLVE, ACQUIT, LET OFF, AMNESTY, MAKE ALLOWANCES FOR, FEEL NO RESENTMENT TOWARDS, FEEL NO MALICE TOWARDS, HARBOUR NO GRUDGES AGAINST, BURY THE HATCHET WITH,  LET BYGONES BE BYGONES, LET OFF THE HOOK, GO EASY ON, EXCULPATE.
Do any of these words REALLY belong when we think of what this dreadful organisation has done to us and others, the life sentences we have been given?
Do they really think these words belong when people have been traumatised, brain damaged, given shorter life spans?
Feel "forgiveness" for the damage passed down to my children and grandchildren?
And on top of that to have the bloody audacity to pity or patronise us for refusing to enter into this ridiculously  nauseous"healing" fest! 

NO! NO! NO!  I DO NOT - AND WILL NOT
forgive them! What I WILL do is turn my back on them! I will continue to grow and thrive and be happy DESPITE  them and to SPITE them!

A Kick in the Ass

Many years ago when I began my recovery, I was told by a close friend that as long as I stayed "grateful" I would stay sober and clean and be OK. (not in the same vein or  as cringe making as the "glad" game of course) 
And I  am not always grateful! sometimes I get get complacent, sometimes I take the many good things in my life for granted, sometimes I moan and whinge about minutiae and forget that where I came from and where I am now is a quantum leap. I forget I didn't ever do it alone, many people have helped and inspired me along the way, many still do!
It is when something else happens that I remember what I was told about gratitude, a metaphoric kick in the ass seems sometimes to be needed. Like the time I first met my deaf and speech impaired friends from Verona, listening to their stories, but more than anything, seeing their dignity and humour, despite their abuses,  reminded me, being involved with other cruelly damaged brave individuals reminds me, going to Poland and being with my friends as they were screamed at by ignorant bigoted catholics reminded me.
And now  the terrible earthquake in Nepal.
Last year I was priveleged to host some Nepalese delegates to  the World Humanist conference, and met many others in their party.Utterly delightful people, and so inspiring. Some of the humanitarian work they all do, the generosity of spirit despite Nepal being one of the poorest countries, made my small efforts  seem paltry. I was so pleased to have met them and we became firm friends.With our invitations to go to Nepal and for my husband to go fishing in the highest lake in the World, they left us with lovely memories. They also gave me this beautiful clock, made of bamboo, it is on the wall near my desk,so  I look at it all the time. 

And now I hear of the devastation in that beautiful country, knowing that even if my friends are safe, they face  terrible difficulties , but still they are getting a few messages out, a few messages getting out, and they are taking time to reassure me!!! 
It makes my heart ache and I am reminded again. I am grateful.