International Women's day!!!

Today is international Women’s day!

I salute all the women in the World, you are making such a difference. 

Growing up as an abused, mentally and emotionally disturbed girl, I didn’t form friendships, I was a loner, hiding my secrets, hiding my slashed up arms and legs, defensive and mistrustful.I felt dirty and inferior at the side of other girls because of my abused body because of my shame.

This is not good “best friend” material!

I was already an alcoholic by the time I was fifteen, still self harming, and also had an eating problem.

This does not make for giggly girly late night conversations!  

There were no shared “secrets” - first kiss, first intimate experience, mine would have been too shocking.So I made up a lot of stories! I was a good chameleon. 

Later I had a violent ex-husband, six children, no money, often no hope, 

This is not the stuff that “Young wives” or  “Mother and baby” groups are made of! 

Thanks to the distorted life path that the catholic indoctrination by the family who “bought “ me put me on, coupled with  the rape by one of their  “holy” priests, I was denied that which is most precious to the human species, the need to belong in a family, a group, a team, a tribe. More than that I never was part of any “sisterhood” Not a real woman!

I have always felt like an alien in a World I so badly wanted to belong to.

That has not changed, it would be nice to say “but now it is different” It cannot be, the damage was too great, it happened too young, and was compounded by addiction,guilt, shame,  and unworthiness. But It is OK! It is a life, and has much richness.

There is a saying in my household whenever I do anything “housewifely”

I will always say “That's what a proper woman would do”! It drives my husband mad, but it is how I have always felt. So I am able to cook, bake and sew and knit and do many things that I have seen “proper women” do, because I have always been watching them without belonging.

I felt like an alien desperately trying to impersonate a human ! 

But this is not a self pitying story! I have long accepted where I “fit”  in to the World, it may not be the same as others, but it is a place in the World none the less.

I now know that I am made of the same Stardust as everyone else!!

And I have a lot of women in my life now that I admire and respect, and would LOVE to be like -

I have two beautiful, honourable, accomplished daughters, I admire them both and am honoured to have given them life, if nothing else!

I was not exactly what great “role models” are made of! But I am SO proud of them , and thank them both for their love.

I have a wonderful kind, caring, clever and delightful granddaughter, who has been given my original name because my older daughter was incensed that even that was taken off me! What an honour for me, to watch her grow and blossom and take her place in the World.

I have a wonderful and brave daughter in law, who is battling a dreadful disease and inspires me every day with her courage.

The girl who was the love of my son Nick's life, who, despite his death, and although she now has a grown up family too,has still shared a bit  of  her life with me.

I have my Survivor women friends, who hugged me when we first met, and although we couldn’t speak the same language, there was a shared knowlege that is irreplaceable. Alda, Emma, Monika, Helen,Shelly and many more! 

The wives of some of my Survivor friends are amazing women - Paola and Julie, Antonella, Rosanna,and Paola B, all wonderful women that have shared a part of their lives with me. I am so grateful for their connections and acceptance.

And the Humanists , Atheist and Secularist women, thoughtful,intelligent,decent ,kind  and supportive, Helen, Stella, Mary, Debbi,Teo, and all. The AHS students,  Annie, Kim, and many more, delightful and honourable women.I value every precious minute I have shared with them

And the Facebook ladies! from America, Australia, Poland, Italy.

The women who I have been priveleged to share a speaking platform with, Maryame, Anne - Marie, Nahla, All of those women who have reminded me that there are many battles to fight, not just my own, and so I can help with theirs!

The women on the committee of the Rights of the Child at the UN in Geneva who showed their absolute solidarity with us in our recent victory against the vatican! 

So On International Women’s day I will be thinking of them all, and be thankful that I have at last got some kind of connection with that amazing band of “Sugar and Spice and all things nice!”