Unsung Heros

Today is my husband’s 66th birthday!  Happy Birthday Gez!

Of course he won’t read this, but none the less I want to say thankyou to an unsung hero!

We often forget the people who help sustain us as we go about our ”survivor” business! 

But Gez has been the main rock throughout the time he has had the misfortune to be with me! I am quite sure I would not have survived without him.

He did not have an easy job, when we met thirty years ago, I was a 36 year old single Mother of six children! I had been divorced from my first violent husband for four years and was busy trying to bring up my family and survive.

I had quite a history!

When we first met and he asked me out, he suggested we went out for a drink. Well of course I DON”T drink, having been a recovered alcoholic then  for quite a few years.

At the time, I didn’t feel the need to explain that to him, it was not his business, but he was bemused by my lime and soda (with ice and no lemon!).

Gradually though, we began to get emotionally involved, ( that is grown up speak for falling madly in love.) 

I decided that my past was  too big a secret between us , and I should not carry on allowing this man to love me, without being aware of the baggage I carried!

So one night I sat him down and with absolute trepidation,I spent three hours telling him all !

All the violence, the drinking, the drug taking ( and I think i really laid that on so this man really had NO illusions!)

He sat there and listened his face very serious, and I thought it was all going to be too much for him! 

But after a few moments when I had finished, he just looked at me and said

“Thank fuck for that, I thought you were going to tell me you were gay!)

After that his life was not easy!

He inherited me (with all my ad stuff!)  and six children all very “personable” and he had never been married before, having escaped from many a “near miss”

We “went out” for a couple of years and then decided to move in together.

 It was scary, I was still fighting with the indoctrination from  the church, and had not yet managed to get quite out of it, I was rather like a dog wagging it’s tail pathetically at it’s wicked cruel owner, because it is the only “pack” it knows.

That guilt and fear goes in young, and goes in deep, and takes years to get rid of.

I imagined a thunderbolt would strike me down any time!

Shortly after we moved in to our house, my beautiful older son was killed in a car crash, and it broke my heart. (My sick, catholic Mother told someone that god thought he would go off the rails and so spared him- I never forgave her that comment)

Two months later, my next son,who was in the army, was injured in conflict, two months after that  I had an emergency hysterectomy.

Gez must have thought he had made the biggest mistake of his life!

But  he continued being the rock that kept us all together.

We got married.

My mother didn’t come, and  with her surperstitious, sick ,  attitude brought on by her obsession with her  delusional catholic religion, she refused to acknowlege our marriage. 

(no doubt they were all praying for me to die which was their usual habit when someone goes against their doctrine.)

And so life went on, never quiet, never easy, sometimes sad and painful. And all the time Gez was there holding me up.

When I  decided to address  the clergy abuse, I first asked him if he would be embarrassed if I spoke out about it, and he,  as always, amazed me by saying:

 “You absolutely MUST do it, you have to help stop those bastards”

He came to Rome with me, the first time I went, and intending just to be on the sidelines to make sure I was safe. But when he heard  other survivor’s stories,  he was heartbroken too, and we both cried for a fortnight!

He was there to witness Lombardi’s  squirming and waffling in the vatican, and has been there to witness the lies and deceits they churn out regularly ever since.

He continues to be my rock, and  despite me flying off all over the place, he supports and encourages me while prefferring to stay  in the background. 

He welcomes my survivor "family" 

He is a superb artist, a brilliant drummer, a fabulous cook, a great stepfather and husband, and I count myself so lucky that he has stuck with me despite how hard it must have been. 

I have met many “significant others” of survivors, and they are a very special breed!

It must be heartbreaking to hear what has happened to someone you love, and to have witnessed  our mood changes, and our sometimes despair.

Ton’s beautiful wife Paola , Gary’s beautiful wife Julie, I wish every survivor could have a similar “rock”. 

Although Gez  has eventually conceded to having a  computer, he  doesn’t have anything like a  facebook page,so he won’t hear these words about him!

 He s a bit of a technophobe , he even  loses every mobile phone he gets!

As he  is  getting older, he is often grumpy and stubborn,  but  he is  still quite wonderful! 

I hope we make his birthday a really happy one, and continue to count our “blessings” that he came into our lives.

Happy Birthday Gez XX