In answer to these stupid comments!

Back in January, Catholic League President and frequent Fox News contributor Bill Donohue called victims of priest abuse and their advocates and supporters a “pitiful bunch of malcontents” and “professional victims.”

Now Donahue is calling for victims to be ‘fought one-by-one’ so the church can save money.

He claims that Catholic bishops are reaching the conclusion that “they had better toughen up and go out and buy some good lawyers to get tough.” “We don’t need altar boys,” he told the New York Times.

This appalling attitude of "victim blame" is one of the more despicable games that the church plays. And typical of ignorance of the facts. The reason why there is an "epidemic" of people coming forward to tell their stories of sexual abuse by clergy is because they now can!

 It is not that many years ago when it was unthinkable for abuse victims to talk about what happened to them, they were far too afraid, ashamed, embarrassed, and often threatened into silence.I suspect there will be many more thousands of abuse survivors who will now feel brave enough to speak, not because they have false memories, or because they are "jumping on a bandwagon" but because other brave survivors have paved the way! It has been our  secrets that kept us sick.

 I find it offensive to be refferred to as a pathetic malcontent! I am vehemently opposed to "professional victims"and I don't see any in my organisation, we are very much about empowerment! I was abused by a catholic priest from the age of ten until 13 when he raped me in my own home.My Mother who caught him in the act, did nothing and told me to "pray for him" that it must be part of "god's plan". It ruined a lot of my life,I was an alcoholic, addict, serious self harmer, and had an eating disorder. But I am NOT a victim! I have managed to become a respected professional in the field of substance misuse, have taught over 8 thousand health care workers, and have received an award for my contrution to the treatment of addiction. I have managed to transform that shit into manure, to grow something more beautiful.

 Some of our members are 70 deaf and speech impaired Italian survivors , all of whom were systematically abused by the priests and nuns in their institution One man by sixteen priests! another man was forced to perform oral sex on a nun for punishment -he was eight years old. They are not victims! They are brave and dignified survivors of the worst betrayal of body and trust. We know that our strength comes from our connections with each other, and with honourable ,decent, like minded people who know that these were appalling criminal acts. We have an annual "celebration of survival day" and last year we danced in front of the vatican and set off hundreds of Chinese lanterns to show them that we are surviving DESPITE them, certainly not because of them! We know that if we wait around for the church to do the right thing, we will be dead and gone before that happens! So we will support and empower each other! The comments above are from people who clearly do not understand the nature of clergy abuse, and I am very pleased for them that they don't.But do not be fooled by the churche's obsequious apologies, staged sorrow, and promises about "psychological testing" or safeguarding. They sound great on paper but the reality is VERY very different. 

If you really want to see survivors bravery come to Verona on June 30th! dance with us and show the World that you support decency and justice. Sue Cox Survivors Voice Europe

The delia effect!

I didn't know wether to laugh or cry today when I read of the latest "secret weapon" being launched by the catholic church in a vain attempt to revive it's flagging reputation. None other than "St." Delia Smith! She of the smug,patronising cookery programmes, she of the mispronunciations of practically everything she utters, she of the drunken rant in front of thousands at Norwich City Football club. It seems that since Waitrose have usd her for their campaign, she is starting to believe her own hype!
The "Delia effect" as it has become known, refers to the fact that she can influence vast sales of food items, especially unusual ones, by simply mentioning them in her kitchen.(not quite water to wine but hey) Of course, that does say far more about her audience than it does of her!
So not content with directing our eating habits, she now has turned her latest crusade to that of "defending the church"! (didn't joan of arc do something like that?) and in true Delia fashion, gets her facts wrong, opening her mouth long before it occurs to her to engage her brain.
She refers to the very thorough Ipsos Moris survey commissioned by Professor Richard Dawkins MA DPhil FRSA FRLA and the Dawkins Foundation as "cheeky" and "not true"! presumably that kind of playground response  suggests that she hasn't come across the idea of "evidence" before, apart from perhaps the fact that you can prove that eggs are fresh by placing them in water, or if you put your hand on a stove it probably might burn.
Totally missing the point of secularism and the call for the end to religious priveleges, she rants on (again) about what she calls a running battle by " millitant neo-atheists"and suggests that christians  are "under the cosh"
She goes on to pontificate on how "one thing we all should stand united on is our common belief in human life and human flourishing" - I totally agree, and perhaps we should start by educating the pope and his heirarchy, they clearly have "human lives and flourishing" way down on their list of priorities. perhaps she should tell that to the AIDS orphans, the clergy abuse survivors, womens rights organisations, and  the oppressed in all the countries where the church has a stranglehold.
Perhaps because she is second only to Jamie Oliver in cookery book sales, she should take a lesson from him, who, having put on an enormous amount of weight is looking increasingly stupid when he tries to teach everyone about healthy eating!
I am tempted to say she is a prime example for why a women should stay in the kitchen! but I wouldn't insult my sisters that way!
She tells us she will have "more to say on the matter" (maybe when she has talked to someone who can tell her what to say)    I can hardly wait!

pope and his latest insult

O.K. here we go again! The latest Ratzinger insult aimed at decent honourable people, and further offending the rest of us who struggle to make sense of a world where narcissistic hypocrites get to hold themselves up as a moral benchmark for others.
It appears that his attacks on the gay and lesbian community for simply requiring that their loving commitments should be as valued as everyone elses,  are not at all about the rantings of a homophobic bigot, but in fact his concerns about " the children"!  and I quote:
"Let me conclude by recalling that all our efforts in this area are ultimately concerned with the good of children, who have the right to grow up with a healthy understanding of sexuality and it's proper place in society"YEAH RIGHT!
He went on to say " Children are the greatest treasure anf the future of every society:truly caring for them means recognising our responsibility to teach, defend and live by the moral virtues which are the key to human fulfillmet" WHAT? 
You couldn't make it up could you? I could spend all day saying what I feel about these disgusting remarks, coming as they do from someone who disregards his part in the cover up of  hundreds of thousands of crimes against children.Who shields and defends his pedophile legions of priests but  wages war on a group of caring thoughtful people who show more morality than three quaters of his clergy.
Every time this man pronounces yet another "pearl of moral wisdom" from his place of audacious arrogance, he insults me! He insults me as a survivor of catholic clergy abuse, as a woman,and  as a very proud Mother of a gay son, and as a human being.
My children are grown up now, but  who  would I feel I could safely leave the example of morality of my grandchildren  and everyone elses children to ? The gay community who show their  integrity by wanting to make a public and morally binding commitment of love? or an immoral old man who wears a dress, thinks that "  homosexuality   is as damaging to the World as the destruction of the rainforest" that lies to uneducated people  about the use of condoms, condeming many of them to death. That enables criminals to still have access to children in their "care".Who flatly refuses to make amends to the thousands of survivors who have been damaged by his church, while saying that to allow same sex marriage is an attack on "justice"
There is no contest.!!
A While ago I  was criticised for using a swear word in my writing, I was told it was " unprofessional," but then my critic did go on to say that "you are of course entitled to your opinion" well if you are reading this look away now:
Benedict you are a dick. 

Richard Swinbourne at Think Week

   Having been present at the debate last Tuesday with  Richard Swinbourne et al. during  "Think Week" in Oxford .I have a couple of comments.
Firstly that it was very fair and democratic of the rest of the panel , and the chair, to allow his long winded diatribe. Truly "freedom of expression" in action!
But PLEASE ! What a load of professorial hogwash. Bad enough that  we were subjected to his pomposity and meanderings, but the suggestion that everything "evil" that happens to people is god's way of making them strong is beyond belief. Offensive and ill informed, he alluded to the holocaust as a way of making Jewish people strong, and when questioned , with remarkable tolerance ,I thought, he replied that if anyone has a "bad" experience it  strengthens them ,thanks to "god's" interventions? Lucky them! A complete distortion of what most thinking people understand, that "whatever doesn't kill you makes you strong" Tell my fellow survivors of catholic clergy abuse how thankful they should be.                                                            
 It is called SURVIVAL professor! And most of us  had no choice!
What part of my experiences at the hands of a catholic priest  should I be grateful for exactly? That I wasn't raped more often? that at least I was ten and not three? That I didn't die? That although my teens and twenties and early thirties were destroyed, I  managed to survive and now I appear "o.k"? How much of the suffering of my disabled  friends from Verona should they be grateful for? That they only had to perform oral sex on priests every other day rather than every day? That for one man there were only sixteen priests who raped him  when he was a child and not sixty?
Thank you so much Professor for pointing out our extreme good fortune. I am sure the women in Rwanda should  be grateful, and the AIDS orphans, what about the starving people in the rest of World, how lucky are they!
Perhaps  if we all are so strengthened by your "god's " desire for us to have a bloody awful time, we should do everyone else a favour and go out and beat the living shit out of  grannies and maybe rob  a few blind people, maybe run over a few cyclists and set fire to traffic wardens. perhaps we are being utterly selfish by trying not to harm any living creature? shame on us, we are not allowing anyone else to experience our good luck! I am sure they would be grateful for the strength we could help them acquire!
 It was NATURE  herself who gave us the skills we needed to survive, despite our ordeals, not because of them. And some of us have been able to transform that pain by helping others like us, turning the crap that was thrown at us into manure to grow something more  beautiful .Of all the people that DO survive these atrocities, I suspect there are far more who do not.
So please Professor if you cannot think of any other reason to demonstrate  your god's goodness, perhaps you should try keeping your mouth shut.

OXFORD THINK WEEK 2012

 Well, now is the time to write and tell everyone about the fantastic Oxford "Think Week"! So hard to know where to start, there were so many highlights and so much food for "thought"!

 But the overwhelming experience for me was just being  there! To be with those wonderful students and others who made it so special, included me, and worked so hard. 

 I had been quite overwhelmed already when I got the email to say that the committee wanted to raise money this year at the lectures for an organisation they thought worthwhile, and they had chosen us! I cried for ten minutes, and when I Skyped Ton in Holland he did the same. Sounds a bit over the top? Well, perhaps, but when you think how hard it has been for us and other abuse survivors  like us,  to find meaning in a World that we felt we no longer belonged in, this kind of gesture is so precious. 

catholic clergy abuse survivors are all wary of others! our "trust" mechanisms  are often destroyed, or certainly distorted, even as we get old, there are  things that do not go away. I for example don't like being in certain surroundings (like churches)! I have a very sensitive "bullshit" detector, and I  have a problem with certain smells!  But if we are hyper-vigilant  towards attack, we are also super tuned to decency and kindness and  human altruism. So in a way we are creatures of extremes. Yes, there is the agony, but we are very much capable of the ecstasy too! 

   And with everyone at "Think Week" I  experienced  warm  human connections , kindness, intelligent  thoughtful observations and questions from  from almost everyone I   encountered. Empathy, respect , and no  sign of condescension or patronising!   What a gift!

   I have to name names, because they deserve to be thanked, and also because my other wonderful fellow survivors weren't there and will want to know All the details! 

   So first and foremost to Joseph Trakalo, who  drove "Think Week"  forward, gently steering the group, and making  me, and everyone else feel like a "VIP'!  THANKYOU! 

   To Ben and Annie, two delightful students and members of the AHS who chaired, introduced ,and hosted so beautifully.Thankyou!

   To all of the other helpers in their striking blue "think-week" tee-shirts who were tireless, and the thoughtful individual  conversations I had with them. Thankyou!

   To the Oxford Humanist committee who  chose us as their organisation to support and chatted  all about our work  as we all had those lovely dinners together.Thankyou!

   To the speakers who were often inspiring - Professors Richard Dawkins, Peter Atkins, especially-Thankyou!

   To Paula Kirby for her wonderful support,interest in our cause,  and her warmth and clarity Thankyou!

   I will write about the remarks from Richard Swinbourn seperately, I  don't want any negativity here! But thanks for Paula's comments to him!

To The Richard Dawkins foundation for sponsoring this event Thankyou!

To everyone who brought food to share at our "celebration" gathering on Sunday, what a feast. To all the new friends I have made ,and to the lovely Chloe who lead us in a beautiful rendition of "Every sperm is sacred"! 

   And  not least to everyone who dipped into their pockets even in these harsher times,  and managed to raise £150 for Survivors Voice Europe .THANK YOU ! 

 Survivors Voice Europe is perhaps a little different from most similar organisations,our emphasis is very much on empowerment. We really have never asked for any funding, preferring to try and support ourselves as far as possible.  But There is no doubt that these days every little bit we can raise makes such a difference. For example, what "THINK WEEK" contributed will help us with our "Annual celebration of survivors  of catholic clergy day!" which will from  now on be held in Verona, and this year will be on June 30th.Last year we set off a hundred chinese lanterns saying "ENOUGH" in all our languages  into the sky in Rome in  front of the vatican, as we danced to celebrate our survival, despite the catholic church, and certainly not because of it. This year we want it to be two hundred!

Connections with others like ourselves are so important, isolation has been a big feature of the legacy of abuse, so that day is crucial as a focus for many. Thankyou for contributing to that! ( But it would be wonderful if you could come and celebrate with us!! Please do try.)

There are some fabulous books about clerical abuse, mostly written in Italian, we would dearly like to have them translated  and published into all our languages, so thankyou for contributing to that!

We have a wonderful photographic monument in progress, by Silvia Amodio, who shows  that often pictures speak far louder than words. Check out the "Out of the Shadows video on our website .She would like to keep on extending that monument, so thankyou also for contributing to that!

But more than anything, thankyou for this wonderful gesture, it has meant so much to us. And as a new member of the Oxford Humanists, I hope that next year I can be on the side of the helpers when we meet for "Think Week" 2013!!

Sue Cox Survivors Voice Europe 

XXX

www.survivorsvoice-europe.org

Freedom of Expression campaign One law for all Saturday 11th February.

My contribution

Sue Cox Survivors Voice Europe 


      Survivors Voice is an International organisation of men and women who were sexually abused  in their childhood by catholic priests.
It is always tempting when asked to speak at these occasions to talk exclusively  about ones own organisation, but today I am here to support very strongly  "One Law for All "and this campaign for freedom of expression.To support Anne Marie and Maryame, and the students and Universities who have all taken such a brave stance against these  appalling incidences. So although my particular "Bete Noir" is the catholic church, I know that  tyrants names and faces may be different, but the damage they do is the same, the pain they inflict is the same. Threatening free speech diminishes me as a woman, as a human being, and without a stand it could diminish my children's generation and my grandchildren's generation. 
     The name survivors VOICE was chosen for that reason, because for centuries survivors had  no voice.
Survivors voice came about for me after being asked to speak at the "protest the pope"campaign in 2010. It  was very honoured to do so, but also had no idea that I would be in front of twenty-thousand people! When I looked out at that sea of faces it took my breath away! And those  posters! What a sight, creative, amusing and very very real. 
I was scared, ill equipped, but with YOUR help I managed to get those words out! And because of your warmth and support I became strong! I became able to embark on this "mission" of Survivors Voice Europe. Your support as we marched and dedicated that march to survivors of catholic clergy abuse was awesome, and something that I doubt  could  happen elsewhere. 
Because you made me strong and braver, I was able to go to Rome and join with others to do the same thing, we danced in front of vatican square in celebration of all of our survival, despite them rather than because of them! We have been back three times now, and also to Verona where some of our bravest members live. They are all deaf and speech impaired people from the Provolo institute in Verona, all of whom were seriously and systematically abused by the clergy who were supposed to be looking after them, one man by sixteen priests! he was just past around like a piece of meat.They are probably some of the bravest people I  know, and they don't HAVE a voice, they can't talk and they can't hear, but they are making a stand! They had not been able to do that  publicly until we arrived that October and joined with them. YOU helped with that!  Their posters when we meet are also awesome, have the same humour and irony and this in a country where they are not allowed to talk about what happened to them! These crimes are rarely  reported in the media, And this is Italy! Just 1 and a half hours away on a plane. Last time we were there, Marco and I took with us the pictures and videos of the "protest the pope" march and the "secular Europe campaign ", our friends had never seen them! They had no idea that something this big had happened, it simply was not reported in Italy.Their chins were on their chests! This is all about free speech and free expression!
You are not allowed to have banners anywhere near the vatican, or even tee shirts with slogans on! In fact you aren't able to have banners within 500 yards of vatican square! They might "offend" Il  Papa! Well, the vatican and it's narcissistic regime offends me!
Last October we met again, in Piazza Castel  SantAngelo opposite the vatican, and there were police and a helicopter making sure we did not "offend" At one point the helicopter wired down to the police to remove  an elderly deaf man's poster  which said "RATZINGER OUT!" they said it was offensive and  they took it off him! He simply picked up someone else's and carried it higher! And we ended the day by sending up hundreds of `Chinese lanterns  saying "ENOUGH" into the sky! Hard for the helicopter to get rid of! And in the end some of the police clapped and cheered! 
This matters! If I don't use my voice as I am able to, then I will be ashamed in the presence of those who cannot.
When I knew I was going to say a few words today I looked up the idea of free expression in the hope that someone cleverer than me could give me a tip! The only thing I found was a quote by George Washington, (I don't know how appropriate that is!) But I liked the quote!
It says "If we take away freedom of speech then we will be led ,dumb and silent like lambs to the slaughter" Looking at that quote it can either be wise words  or even a "tip" to a tyrannical regime! "If you take away their freedom of speech you can lead them dumb and silent like lambs to the slaughter" clever!
But I will go back to that wonderful "pope protest" in London and those amazing posters and banners!  There was one that stood out for me, one of you here may have made it! And in fact I have it cut out and posted on the wall next to my desk. Inspiring me every day it  says : 

FUCK OFF BACK TO THE 14th CENTURY!

Where else in this beautiful World can you say that! We have to Cherish  that right and defend it!!!

"A fate worse than death"
When I was younger, this is what people would say when they referred to being raped.Adults would give each other knowing looks when talking about someone "if she is not careful she'll end up murdered---or worse" I couldn't imagine anything worse than being murdered, but it seemed there was something even worse.
It wasn't terribly long before I found out what they meant, and indeed they were right. My abuses at the hands of a priest are well documented, and I have talked about how my life started from the  moment I was raped, to go downhill. What was hard to understand was   why, if I had suffered " a fate worse than death" no one did anything about it! Had I been murdered perhaps they would have cared.
Although I had been brought up with all the horrific fear stories of hell fire and damnation,where in that catholic world everything, apart from breathing,  was sinful, where aged five I was told to pray for a cousin of mine to die because he was about to embark upon marriage to a divorcee, and his Mother's priest had told her that he would be better off dead than living in sin, so we should all pray for him
 to have a "happy death". Consequently every time I put a childlike foot wrong  wondering if someone was praying for me to die too. Where everyone outside of the catholic church should be pitied, and best avoided, where punishment for every minor misdeed was exclusion and silence.Where confession had to be weekly,and that god knew every thought word and deed and was waiting to punish  severely, and  where the priests, who were next to god, were to be  idolised. A world where we were not allowed to talk about science or evolution, or "wicked" Queen Elizabeth 1st -because she was "anti  catholic" where babies who weren't baptised floated around in limbo for eternity, where the only reason to be alive was to "know god, love him, serve him in this world and be happy with him forever in the next" (as long as you were a practising catholic!) Where happiness  was a  sinful goal, where every time a priest crossed your doorstep it was a blessing, (even the bastard who abused me - who I should pray for!) Despite all that, aged thirteen I was thrown into a sordid world I had never imagined existed.
A world of alcoholism, of emotional and mental  turmoil, of self harming, and starving and self destruct.A world of self loathing guilt and secrecy and lies,  believing that I was bad for being raped.A world which led me to a violent and unsuitable marriage, to years of misery and depression, where mercifully the only thing that saved me was my six children. Like Taurus going through the china shop of life.
A long hard road to recovery as a single and ill equipped  parent of six but with  a determination to make things better for them.
Working hard to get rid of the distorted cruel indoctrination of the catholic church, and struggling to make sense of the world. Eventually while watching my wonderful children grow and flourish, meeting my husband and seeing a glimmer of hope for a future.
Then on this day, 24 years ago, my world was shattered, my heart was broken entirely when my beautiful son Nick was killed.  
I wanted to die myself, no Mother should ever experience this pain, but  worse, because still with  my distorted catholic background , I believed it was my fault, my fault for being happy, my fault because I was no good, my fault because I deserved to die and Nick did not. 
  I have worked hard  over the years  towards a  recovery and sound mental health. One of the last things my son said to me was "Mum I am so proud of you" and I did not deserve it. I have tried hard to become worthy of that pride, my joy always is when I am able to use my experiences to help others, it somehow transforms that shit into manure for growth.
I am not always in good shape, I have ups and downs, still feel insecure and vulnerable often but most of the time I am ok ----- apart from this day -- apart form January 18th when I am again consumed with grief and cannot bear to talk to anyone, where my family tip toe around me for fear I am about to collapse, which I very well might. On this day when I see the greyness out of the window and remember that phone call. On this day when the pain is again so unbearable that I would choose oblivion.My son, I know, is no more dead on this day than any other, but today it is very real again.
Of course the catholic church didn't drive that car, didn't pour my drinks, or cut my body, it wasn't there when I was screaming in the night with terrors , or scrubbing my genitals with a nail brush until I bled because of feeling dirty. It wasn't with me when I was feeling lower than a snakes belly in the grass, unworthy and loathsome. But it certainly put me there!
 It was right there in the beginning of it all. It allowed me to feel so bad about myself as a child that I thought I wasn't worthy of life let alone love, it put a pedophile into my home and allowed me to be abused and raped and disregarded,and threw me into a lonely world with no one to help me. It allowed the perpetrator to get away with it, like most others, and it saw  me ,and people like me, as collateral damage,  in it's narcissistic and singular  desire to get away with it's crimes against humanity. It continues to abuse and cover up it's crimes and it does get away with it. And worse than that , like all narcissists , it doesn't give a shit.
So ask me today  what my feelings are:
Being brought up in the catholic church 
                       THAT IS THE FATE WORSE THAN DEATH