My Mother in law died and today is her funeral. She was 95 years old and had been quite demented, she hadn't really known who any of us were for many years or indeed even who she was herself. Such a sad thing to see.
I feel sad for my husband, because she was his Mum, but I have to be honest and say she wasn't a particularly nice woman, in fact she was really awful to me and my family when Gez and I first got together! She behaved like a hysterical harpee, threatening and screaming abuse at me and my children, suggesting they were all from "different fathers" even trying to stab Gez with a knife and fork!
Sounds like the stuff of nightmares, and of course it was for quite some time. It didn't daunt him though, he still wanted to marry me! It sounds like a slushy cliche, but we were very much in love and nothing would have kept us apart. We have now been married for twenty six years.
Over the years we tried to be as kind to her as possible, made sure she had things she needed, and invited her to our house. But she was never someone that I could have felt close to or warmed to, and my husband never really forgave her for her dreadful behaviour. It was a relationship more of duty than anything else. Also very sad.
The reason I managed to talk to her at all was because I sort of understood her! I am a Mother too and I wondered what it must have felt like to see your son get involved with a divorced woman with six children! I am sure I was not what she had hoped for!! It didn't matter that we were happy, that the children were wonderful kids who loved her son too., all she could see was that I was "soiled goods" as she delicately put it! Had she known the full extent of that "soiling" she probably would have been worse!!
But my husband is remembering her when he was small, that he had a good Mum and Dad and he and his brothers were very well cared for, and are all decent chaps. So I am trying also to think of her as someone who brought my husband into the world and raised him well, so much so that he has been a great husband to me and a lovely step father to my children.
I was concerned about her funeral, I find it hard to be too hypocritical and was hoping that the other members of the family wouldn't get into too much religious stuff, or involve me too much! But it seems they all feel the same, we won't be singing hymns, or saying prayers!
So a sad day really, more than anything I feel sad that she didn't have the warm loving relationships that she could have had, she missed out on so much because of her bigotry, but I hope it makes me cherish the relationships in my life more. So thankyou Edna for that reminder, and also for your wonderful son. RIP
Well said!
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