Breathing is good!

Well I have just come back from a week on the beautiful island of Jersey.It was a present from from my lovely husband for our silver wedding anniversary, it has always been a special place for us.

 I was going to post funny holiday shots and show you my Buddy splashing in the sea etc. I will still do that, but I am a bit pre- occupied because while I was away, I was notified  to go into hospital tomorrow for this long awaited nose operataion. I have sleep apnoea among other things, and apparently bashing my nose around a bit will help me breathe better. This is the third attempt! lats year was canceled because of Asthma and  other chest stuff, so third time lucky(or unlucky which ever way you look at it!) 
I don't fancy it much, my breathing is always a bit of an issue, and I get a bit panic stricken when I can't breathe very well. and the last time it was checked at the hospital the consultant said casually "Any history of trauma?"....
Of course, my professional understanding that  the  effects of sexual abuse are many and life long, but at sixty seven to be asked out of the blue was a strange experience !
Anyway, I had just been back one hour from holiday when they phoned to get me straight in for pre-op, "Any anxieties"? "Any worries"?"Any history of illness mental or emotional disturbance"? etc. etc. 
Theirs is a job, the paperwork.I  am sure a tedious chore, but I find it all so intrusive, and trigger inducing!
So I will hold the beach photos for a while and ask you to send me some love from wherever you are, to help me cope and recover!
I had another notification while I was away, a bit more embarrassing!
I was nominated for the "Inspirational women awards"!!! (without my knowledge of course!)
But the even more embarrassing thing is -I got shortlisted!! I can hardly believe it.
Of course I won't get an award, I think what I do is a bit too contraversial, and also a little uncomfortable for people. 
But I thank all the WOMEN  shortlisted me, with that kind of support, perhaps one day survivors like me will be able to walk tall and proud and show our wounds without fear of rejection and shame. 
What an honour! To be nominated, and then to be shortlisted is amazing for someone like me who comes from  such a very low ebb!
And I am delighted to be able to go to the award ceremony with my two beautiful daughters and my beautiful daughter in law, a champagne reception at Cadogan Hall in London on October 1st!
They say the dress code is "smart-glamourous" So I will look great with too black eyes and a swollen face!
But I will be in the company of inspiring women! Those that really deserve to be there and I will feel very fortunate indeed.
 I hope I will be soon back on my computer and breathing like other people! And able to rant a little more!