I went to the hospital on Friday, just because I have  asleep apnea problem, nothing too serious, and I was quite relaxed and ok with it all.

The consultant decided I need an operation to clear my airways because I don't breathe too well, and that should make a difference to me. So far so good.

Then the rather condescending nurse took me to the "pre-op" department for routine tests, and it was found that my blood pressure was very high .O.K , I can deal with that, not too worried. But the nurse decided that I was probably a bit anxious "dear" about coming to the hospital. I didn't bite but did as I was told "Go straight to your GP on the way home  "dear" to get them to deal with it " 

"Can't I make an appointment  for next week "I said? "Oh no "dear" we need you to deal with it now, before the weekend"  we can't operate until it is down." So off I went, drove over to the doctor's surgery.

 He hardly looked at me but  said "I don't think I will take it now, you will be too nervous and worried" -  "No I am ok " said I, "I'm quite relaxed" . "No you will be a bit anxious"   he said. "I am not anxious, I  just want to get on with it."-  "Now would not be a bad time, when you are anxious after rushing here"  "I am not anxious I am fine" - "Why don't you take  your own blood pressure at home for three days, in your own environment, where you feel a bit safer?" - "I don't feel unsafe!!!" -"No -but sometimes we get a little worried about these things, best to do it when you are relaxed" 

I didn't argue any more, he certainly was putting my blood pressure up!

I wondered what he had seen when he looked at me? What do we all see when we look at people? Aren't we all a little too keen to make assumptions? I guess on my notes it says I am a sixty five year old grandmother, have asthma, bronchiectasis, IBS, GORD,vitiligo, and an underactive thyroid, so therefore did he see  a neurotic old lady who is frightened of the doctor?  

I wanted  to tell him a little story.

That I  was adopted (probably paid for) by a catholic nutcase, grew up in an indoctrinated abusive  environment, was raped by a priest when I was child, was an alcoholic by the time I was fifteeen,  self harmed, attempted suicide, messed around with food. Ran away from home to be married at seventeen,to a violent inadequate man. I was beaten senseless by my ex husband for years,survived an attempt on my life, had six children, was left alone with them when they were all under twelve, no money, no family, no home. I got a job, then went back to school, got a better job, brought up six kids alone,got a professional qualification, became the head of a large teaching organisation, teach in 124 UK prisons, including all of the really secure ones, buried one of my children, began to tackle the narcissistic catholic church in my sixties, made a speech in front of twenty thousand people, set off hundred of lanterns in front of the vatican, shouted at the papal spokesman co - founded Survivors Voice Europe, travel all over the world for work and to  connect with survivors. 

I am a survivor, a born fighter, don't look at my notes or my grey hair!

Get that sphyg out and take my fucking blood pressure you  wimp!
But I didn't, of course, and I went home and took it myself