Will I ever stop crying?

I wonder will I ever stop crying?

Once again, tonight on the news, another  catholic institution, this time a “prestigious” Benedictine school in the Highlands of Scotland has been exposed for it’s systematic sexual and physical  abuse of boys by clergy spanning three decades (I suspect at the very least).

The BBC presented a “special” report into the allegations, complete with the usual horror stories,victims facing the camera and hardly knowing how to put into words what they had suffered at the hands of the priests.

Describing how they went to sleep crying every night, after having to kneel down and say prayers with these monsters!

The cover ups and the lies, the  criminal priests being shipped off to Australia,to be put in charge of children again! 

And the obsequious apologies form the head of the Benedictine order here, who said he was "shocked" to hear these things could possibly happen in their order. 

SHOCKED!! 

Why the fuck would he be shocked? Where has he been for the last fifty years? on Mars? Does he not recognise the pattern? he should, because it is the same disgusting treacherous pattern that is replicated all over the World, in every country where this wretched church has its tentacles, wherever there have been innocent children and predatory deified self- aggrandised clergy who have defiled more people than any institution in history, and STILL abuses them .

Every time I hear of yet another case, another “special report” it is like a knife going into my heart. 

Of course, each time one of them is exposed I rejoice,  but for  every one of these creatures, there will be at least a hundred affected people, either abused themselves, or damaged so badly that they effect those around them. That damage going on to the next generation, while the criminals walk away , probably with a pension from the church, to be looked after and “ shown compassion” as they reflect on their sins while in “prayerful contemplation”

Every time I see another exposure,I cheer at a crime being punished.But my heart is breaking for what my fellow survivors will carry with them, probably for ever.

Will I  ever stop crying? I suspect not.

ShouldI  ever stop crying?  certainly not. 

For all the attention given to these “special reports” these seven day wonders, there will be hundreds of people who’s lives will continue to be destroyed by the very people who were there to care for them.And every time I hear of yet another, I will cry.

Why the Fuck isn’t the whole world crying?

Sue Cox Diary of a recovered catholic and happy ATHEIST!: The Climate for "dialogue"

Sue Cox Diary of a recovered catholic and happy ATHEIST!: The Climate for "dialogue": Asked yet again about this business about why we won’t get into “dialogue” with  the church? This particular  radio presenter thought it...

The Climate for "dialogue"

Asked yet again about this business about why we won’t get into “dialogue” with  the church?

This particular  radio presenter thought it would perhaps “now be the right climate”!

Well here’s the thing ! 

What possible reason would  survivors who have been fighting for their entire lives , accept very patronising invitations to “parle” from this  criminal organisation?   And only now  when  they are getting more cornered, like rats in a trap  and suddenly feel it might be “the right climate”!

I cannot re-iterate enough it seems, that we do NOT believe the church can play ANY part in survivor’s  recovery.

We have spent a lot of time getting better, trying to find a place in a world which we no longer feel part of , working very hard not to allow the poison of this church to damage us further, to stop their toxins passing on to our families and friends through our own bitterness.

We have watched with horror how they manipulate and evade, how they lie and even threaten. 

We  may have all been a bit naive at some point in our early “coming out”, some of us began by believing there was some kind of reconciliation possible, some way of sharing the healing for others, even when our own beliefs no longer included their indoctrination.

But there is absolutely no chance that we will do this again! 

We want nothing at all to do with them!

Why  would anyone  choose to be abused again and again!

Having broken free of the shackles of indoctrination and shame and guilt, why on Earth would we even contemplate being contaminated further by them!

If we were to spend any time in “dialogue” with these creeps, it would be to fight them, swear and curse at them, scream abuse at them  and  find some way to bring them down! 

My dignity has been very hard won, I have no desire to lose it to this narcissistic regime.

Even a long  life only consists  of  about 450,000 hours!

Considering that I have had about  three quarters of mine already,  and the church has destroyed well over two thirds of them. And considering that I will probably sleep for a third of what is left, I have no desire to spend any more of my precious time on these hypocrites!

 I have no appetite for their obsequious apologies, or the carrots they dangle in front of people, or the way they insidiously creep  back into vulnerable peoples minds.

Our  precious time is far better spent in the company and care of the real heroes of this tragedy the SURVIVORS!

A Crime against Humanity

A Crime against humanity

Well it seems that the ICC is unwilling “at this stage” to pursue the catholic hierarchy and Joseph Ratzinger in particular for Crimes against Humanity.

They were accused of three crimes against humanity according to the International Criminal Court.:

1.The preservation  and leadership of a worldwide totalitarian regime of coercion,which subjugates it’s members with terrifying and health endangering threats;

2 Thee fatal adherence to forbidding the use of condoms, even when the danger of HIV/AIDS infection exists;

3.The establishment and maintenance of a worldwide system of cover - up of sexual crimes committed by catholic priests and their preferential treatment, which aids and abets ever new crimes.

It seems they want “more evidence” before they are able to continue. I cannot imagine how much more evidence they could possibly want, when daily we hear of more and more crimes. But if it is facts  they want, no doubt many of us  will fight to make sure they get them.

But in the mean time, here’s the thing!And here are some facts! 

Human beings are a social species. We learned very early on in our evolution that we were safer in groups. We needed our tribes, our villages, our families, in order to survive.

As pack animals ,the security we have in belonging to one of those groups is a vital part of how we flourish and thrive. It is as almost as  fundamental to life as breathing , part of what it means to be human.

Along with the devastating physical acts  and  the betrayal of body and trust  that is childhood clergy sexual abuse, the church,has taken away that part of our humanity. 

With  it’s isolation and violation it  has created a whole “sub culture” of human beings who don’t quite belong anywhere. Who are denied that fundamental security, so necessary to human life.

We might still be breathing, putting one foot in front of the other, functioning after fashion, we may have even have  some superficial successes .

We are,  after all,  part of nature, and in nature survival is instinctive, BUT  that evolutionary  human imperative  to be whole, to thrive as part of a group, is no longer ours.

We often don’t fit in anywhere, our trust barometers are destroyed,  and we spend our lives desperately trying to fit into a world that we no longer feel  a part of.

So apart from all the other laws that it breaks  on a daily basis, and while we wait for enough evidence to satisfy the ICC and other courts , understand this: 

In  taking away the ability for  basic human social cohesion and in taking from many of us  a  large part of what it means to be a human being, 

The catholic church is guilty of committing unforgivable  crimes against Humanity.