A wedding! And what a day it was. My beautiful daughter Siobhan married the love of her life  Adam ,in Warwick in the most historic setting imaginable, and we all shared in her joy.Theres no doubt that over the next few weeks `I will be reflecting on all of the details, but right now I am simply exhausted! 

The thing about weddings, especially this one which was such a delightful occasion ,is that it focuses you on the things that really matter. Relationships and connections, family, and true friends, and especially Love! 

It was, for me,  a time to meet up with people not seen for ages, make new acquaintances and friends, find out more about the person my daughter has chosen to spend the rest of her life with, from his family,his friends,  their memories of his growing up, and his speech!

It was a time to look around and see so many people who have been important in her life, and have made such an effort to travel to share her day. A testament to both of them that people travelled from all parts of the World to be there. 

It was a time to hear  things that I didn't know about her from people in other parts of her life, and be proud of their high regard and love for her.

It was a time to hope that relationships that have been difficult might be healed, that any enmity might be resolved.

It was time to be thankful, that I am alive to see this day and witness such happiness, that I was not drunk or sick all over the place, that I woke today and remembered it all!

It was a time to be sad about those who were not there, Siobhan's beloved godfather Peter, (my sponsor) who was so proud of her, and her delightful brother Nick who adored her.

It was time to renew my resolve in relationships  that I need to work on, and remember the feelings I have today, rather than allow that to get lost in the maelstrom of my  busy life. 

It was a time to remember with gratitude my recovery, my survival, and those who have played a part in that, be grateful to be able to be there for my daughter on this, her special day.

It was a time to make good promises I have made, to keep my focus on the things that really are important.

It was a time of absolute gratitude for all of these reminders and  the opportunity to garner some more strength from the celebration of Love and commitment and transform them into more good.

It is a time to give thanks, to my daughter, to my other children, my husband, my friends and everyone who played their part so beautifully , and gave us all a day to remember!

The older I get, the more into recovery I get, the more I am aware of one very striking fact! That is that the ONLY way to survive with dignity and self respect is to learn the tools for SELF empowerment!   Nobody is going to do it for me!
I am sick and tired of hearing survivors talked about as "victims"
 I am sick and tired of them being patronised and condescended to!
I  am sick and tired of people changing the way they look at us when the facts of our abuses becomes known, fed up with pity and embarrassed silences.
 This  is nobody's fault, they can not be expected to actually know how it feels, they cannot be expected to know what we need. BUT I know, and it is down to me to make sure I get it right .
I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I am neither ashamed or proud of that, it is simply a fact! AA saved my life, and although I find some of it's  concepts unpalatable, I have none the less been grateful for the real support of fellow addicts, they alone know what it is like, and they alone know that recovery is OUR responsibility.
Over the years I have taught many people who work as professionals in this field, and many of them are very kind thoughtful individuals. But many of their organisations are useless! They fight   simply for their own  existance, and rarely have a lot of understanding about recovery. That is not their agenda. The only real recovery I have come across in 35 years working in this profession  has been for those who have taken responsibility for their OWN  recovery, asking only the help of those who have gone before. We are survivors! We have been able to tap into that powerful survival instinct and overcome enormous odds.
One of the trtaditions of AA is that"AA should remain forever unprofessional" another is that "AA should ALWAYS be self supporting, declining all outside offers of help, lest  issues of money and prestige should divert us from our primary purpose" 
Often the organisations who are paid to work in this field are simply exploiting the situation.
And now I am seeing the same exploitation  with survivors of Catholic Clergy abuse, organisations are springing up -being paid for what they see as their "expertise". Patronising ,and disempowering people further, and becoming entities who fight only for their own existance, with no real understanding of the needs of the survivor. They become secreteive and competitive, with survivors almost being fought over! This is NOT recovery!
Why the hell would  I want to be a "victim" ?Why the hell would I want to be seen as "needy" and unable to function? Why wouold I  give my power away, yet again, to any  organisation who may abuse me further?  How can I find self respect and dignity that way? I am a SURVIVOR! I have tapped into that instinct once and recovered to tell the tale! Most of my inspiration comes from other brave and dignified survivors.
This is why at Survivors Voice we are self funded! and we support our fellow survivors because we LOVE them! and because we know that we will all benefit from each person who recovers.
We may have projects which require support, like our book translations or annual events,and we are grateful for the honourable compassionate people who help.
 But helping each other? that is an act of LOVE. This seems to be a concept that is being forgotten. And only we can do it, only we can know how to become whole.'
So I for one am not a great lover of "organisations" certainly not the kind that expect to be paid for their compassion or those who accept large donations from "interested" others. I do not approve of receiving any funding from the church, they have no right to use us to try and assuage their guilt. They should absolutely pay, but that should be in order to make proper amends to each survivor.They should have no part in anyone's healing, they have forfeited that right.
When I hear the churtch yet again say they are "willing" to meet with "victims" It makes me wild!
They CANNOT dictate the terms of anyones recovery! They are the last people to know how to do that!  
Recovery has to be on MY terms! So they can stick their sympathy, stick their prayers, and stick their narcissistic attitude. actually, if I believed in Hell , I would suggest they go there!!

And for my beatiful Italian friends!

Sono appena tornata da Verona, dove si è svolto il raduno annuale di Survivors Voice Europe delle vittime di abusi sessuali del clero, insieme ai nostri amici e compagni sopravvissuti dell'Istituto per sordi Provolo di Verona.

E' raro che noi inglesi ci stupiamo per il ​​tempo! Trascorriamo la maggior parte della nostra vita a piagnucolare sul clima! si tratta di un passatempo nazionale. E siamo abituati al fatto che appuntamenti ed eventi siamo cancellati per via del tempo. "La pioggia ha fermato il gioco" è un grido comune nei mesi estivi.

Quello che non ci aspettavamo accadesse a Verona, tuttavia, era che, mentre marciavamo, la temperatura avrebbe raggiunto la cifra sbalorditiva di 40 gradi ed era in realtà il sole che ha fermato molti di noi nel nostro cammino!

Io per esempio ero piuttosto "sopraffatta" e non credevo che sarei riuscita ad arrivare in fondo, sono riuscita a stare in piedi quasi fino alla fine, ma poi mi sono sentita male e ho dovuto gettare la spugna!  Deludente a dir poco, perché avevamo pianificato questo evento per così tanto tempo, e avevo intenzione di parlare un po' di più alla manifestazione. Come si e' visto, sono riuscita a pronunciare poche parole incomprensibili prima di crollare e di dover essere portata a casa, esausta e bruciata!

Non ho avuto la possibilità di dire le parole che avevo preparato, il motivo per cui eravamo cosi' contenti di essere di nuovo tutti insieme, e il motivo per cui d'ora in poi il nostro incontro annuale sara' a Verona. Stiamo girando le spalle a Roma, più o meno nello stesso modo in cui Roma (o almeno il Vaticano) ha voltato le spalle ai sopravvissuti! Questo è quello che volevo dire!

  

Siamo così felici di essere qui a Verona. Che città meravigliosa, ricca di storia e molto bella.

Ma qui, in questa bellezza, la Chiesa cattolica ha portato bruttezza, - bruttezza nella forma dei suoi preti pedofili che hanno agito indisturbati per anni, ignobilmente abusando dei bambini sordi e con disturbi del linguaggio, che avrebbero dovuto essere nella loro cura. La bruttezza nella forma delle smentite, bugie e coperture e ulteriori abusi di quei sopravvissuti.

E' la stessa brutta storia ovunque. Inghilterra, Irlanda, Olanda, Stati Uniti, Germania, Colombia, Australia, non c'è Paese che non sia stato visitato da questa bruttezza. Ovunque nel mondo in cui la chiesa esiste, questa bruttezza esiste con essa, con i suoi preti pedofili e le persone che coprono i loro crimini. La loro bruttezza è stata in tutto il mondo, il loro inquinamento e' stato monumentale.

Ma il tempo sta per scadere per questi brutti criminali e per la chiesa che li genera. Persone coraggiose stanno unendo le forze, come facciamo noi oggi per dire BASTA! e finalmente c'è un barlume di speranza che persone ragionevoli e oneste siano in ascolto!

  In America due settimane fa un monsignore è stato trovato colpevole di cinque capi d'accusa di messa in pericolo di bambini, non era lui stesso un pedofilo, ma è stato responsabile per lo spostamento di noti sacerdoti pedofili di parrocchia in parrocchia senza divulgare le loro attivita': potrebbe essere condannato a dodici anni di carcere. In Inghilterra Lunedi sarà promulgata una legge che stabilisce che chiunque sia trovato colpevole di coprire o non denunciare qualsiasi tipo di abuso di bambini sarà perseguito, - e giustamente, poiche' ugualmente colpevole.

Il mondo sta finalmente arrivando a questi criminali, ed era ora.

Oggi è meraviglioso essere con cosi' tanti coraggiosi e composti sopravvissuti, è per questo che noi di Survivors Voice Europe siamo qui: per festeggiare le nostre vite salvate, salvate nonostante la Chiesa - non grazie ad essa. Noi siamo qui a gioire del fatto che ci siamo trovati, che non siamo più isolati, e queste connessioni ci rendono forti!

  Siamo determinati a portare il nostro raduno annuale qui, a voltare le spalle a Roma nello stesso modo in cui il Vaticano ci ha voltato le spalle, questa bella città di Verona diventera' sinonimo di sopravvivenza dall'abuso sessuale dei bambini da parte del clero cattolico, e il punto focale della nostra causa per il resto del mondo.

Lo faremo per onorare i nostri amici, i sopravvissuti coraggiosi del famigerato Istituto Provolo che sono diventati un punto di riferimento per tutti gli altri sopravvissuti in tutto il mondo.

Liberiamoci delle brutture e ripristiniamo un po' della bellezza!

E noi diciamo all'Italia, famosa per il suo amore per i bambini e la famiglia, che è il tuo turno di unirti al resto del mondo nel dire BASTA!

 BASTA! Italia BASTA!

Third Annual Gathering os Survivors of catholic clergy sexual abuse Verona 2012

Just back from Verona, where we held the Survivors Voice Europe  annual gathering of Survivors of  catholic clergy chlid sexual abuse , along with our friends and fellow survivors of the Provolo Institute for the deaf in Verona.

It is rare that we English are amazed at the weather! We spend most of our lives whinging about it!  It is a national pastime!  And we are no strangers to occasions being cancelled because of it . “Rain stopped play” is a common cry in England the Summer months.

What we did not expect to happen in Verona, however,  was that as we marched, the temperature would reach a staggering 40 degrees and it was actually  the Sun that stopped many of us in our tracks! 

I for one, was quite “overwhelmed” and didn’t think I would last the duration, I managed almost to the end, but then became a bit ill and had to throw in the towel! Disappointing to say the least,  because we had planned for this event for so long, and I had planned to speak a little longer at the rally. As it happened, I managed a few garbled words before collapsing, having to be taken home, exhausted, and burned! 

I didn’t get the chance to say the words I had planned, the reason why we were so pleased to be all together again, and why annually our gathering would in future be in Verona. (preferably when it is cooler!) We are turning our backs on Rome, pretty much in the same way that Rome (or at least the vatican)  turns it’s back on survivors! This is what I had planned to say!

  

We are so happy to be here in Verona. What a wonderful town, full of history and very ,very, beautiful. 

But here , into this  beauty,  the catholic church has brought ugliness,- ugliness in the shape of their pedophile priests who ran riot for years, appallingly abusing the deaf and speech impaired children who were supposed to be in their care. Ugliness in the shape of the  denials ,lies, and cover ups and further abuses of those survivors.

It is the same ugly  story everywhere. England, Ireland USA Holland Germany, Colombia, Australia, there isn’t a country that  hasn’t been visited by this ugliness.

 Everywhere in the world where the church exists, there exists along with it , their pedophile priests and the people who cover up their crimes. Their  ugliness has been worldwide, the pollution monumental.

  But time is running out for  these ugly criminals and the church that spawns them. Brave people are standing together , as we do today ,to say ENOUGH! and at last there is a glimmer of hope that thinking,  honourable people are listening!

  In America two weeks ago a monsignor has been found guilty of five counts of child endangerment , he was not a perpetrator, but he was responsible for moving known pedophile offending priests from parish to parish, without divulging their activities - he could face twelve years in jail.

 In England on Monday there will be a law passed which states that anyone found to cover up or not report any kind of child abuse will be prosecuted,-  rightly so, they are equally culpable.

The World is closing in on these criminals and NOT before time.

Today it is wonderful to be with so many brave and dignified survivors, this  is why we of Survivors Voice Europe are here, to celebrate our own  saved lives, saved despite the church - not because of it. We are here to rejoice in the fact  that we have found each other, no longer isolated,  and those  connections make us strong! 

  We are determined that bringing our annual gathering here , turning our back on Rome in the same way as the vatican has turned it’s back on us, this  beautiful city of Verona will from now on become synonymous with survival of catholic clergy sexual abuse of children, and the spotlight on our cause for the rest of the World. 

We will do this to honour of our friends , the  brave survivors of the notorious Provolo Institute who have become a beacon for all other survivors worldwide.    

Lets get rid of the ugliness and restore some of the  beauty. 

And we say to Italy , famous for it’s  love of children and family, that it is your turn to join with the rest of the world in saying ENOUGH!

 BASTA ! Italia  BASTA!